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Yet another relationship bit the dust. I was tired. I was sad. I was exhausted. Over a decade of dating, and every relationship had ended in flames. A lightbulb went off in my head as I realized there had to be something that I was doing wrong because the same outcome kept repeating itself.

Throughout my young adult years, I prided myself on cultivating a strong group of friends and never prioritizing my romantic relationships. On the outside, I was a confident, happy, and self-sufficient woman who was never needy… or at least not vocal about her needs.

Codependency isn’t always glaringly obvious. For example, I was certainly codependent in my relationships while I was growing up but it wasn’t the cliche “I can’t live without you” or “I need to spend every second with you” kind of codependency that we often see portrayed in the media.

Someone who struggles with codependency seeks validation, love, approval, from everywhere except from within themselves. It is all too easy for someone wrapped up in making everyone else happy that they fail to identify what they need, think, or feel.

woman walking away, breaking up with sad manAD_images/Pixabay. Rejection and breaking-up are especially hard for codependents — even when the relationship was abusive! It can take longer to get over a breakup, sometimes years, for even a short relationship. Codependents have difficulty letting go. Breakups affect our self-esteem more than it does for people who are secure and confident. This is because breakups trigger hidden grief and cause irrational guilt, anger, shame, and fear.

Narcissists, sociopaths, emotionally and physically abusive partners… over and over again you keep ending up in toxic relationships. But why? Why can’t you seem to learn your lesson? Why do you attract such toxic partners?

Throughout early adulthood, I thought that my relationships were normal. Ten years ago I began to realize I had a pattern of being in extremely unhealthy relationships. In fact, my relationships all had something in common. I would become completely and utterly dependent on the person I was dating. I began researching love addiction and codependency and realized that I fell into almost every single category.

Yet another relationship bit the dust. I was tired. I was sad. I was exhausted. Over a decade of dating, and every relationship had ended in flames. A lightbulb went off in my head as I realized there had to be something that I was doing wrong because the same outcome kept repeating itself.

Throughout my young adult years, I prided myself on cultivating a strong group of friends and never prioritizing my romantic relationships. On the outside, I was a confident, happy, and self-sufficient woman who was never needy… or at least not vocal about her needs.

The conventional belief is that we can never love too much, but that isn’t always true. Sometimes, love can blind us so that we deny painful truths. We might believe broken promises and continue to excuse someone’s abuse or rejection. We may empathize with them but not enough with ourselves. If we grew up in a troubled environment, we might confuse our pain with love. Although relationships have disappointments and conflicts, love isn’t supposed to be painful and hurt so much. Are you a caregiver or codependent caretaker?

The Difference Between Codependence and Interdependence. Codependent couple, wrists bound but can't leaveLeonid/Adobe. Pandemics demonstrate how we’re all interconnected. I love that the Internet allows us to connect one-to-one all over the planet. We’re all interconnected. But are you codependent or interdependent?

Codependency isn’t always glaringly obvious. For example, I was certainly codependent in my relationships while I was growing up but it wasn’t the cliche “I can’t live without you” or “I need to spend every second with you” kind of codependency that we often see portrayed in the media.