7 Signs You're Dating an Emotional Vampire

Words Actually


If you’re playing the dating game, chances are you’ve encountered all sorts of people, good and bad. Some people though can be absolute monsters. The most insidious of these bad relationship creatures is the emotional vampire. They will leave you depleted and sad. Since they don’t leave bite marks, here are a few ways to tell if you’re dating an emotional vampire.

They’re always in crisis mode

Everything this person does is extremely important. So important that you better take whatever they say seriously and not butt in with questions or logic. Somehow all that they do or say, or anything that was done to them, has dire consequences. These consequences shall be discussed for hours, and deprive you of precious energy or time to unwind from your own daily stressors.

They don’t experience this feeling you call “guilt”

Most of us know when we’ve done something wrong, even when we don’t want to admit it. The emotional vampire does not. Those eternal complainers are certain that any ill that befalls them is somehow an external force’s fault. Alternatively, any bad luck that befalls you is definitely not their fault. The emotional vampire finds a way to twist the story in their head to absolve themselves of guilt. They will gaslight you until they wear you down, and make you believe they are indeed the victims of circumstance and that you are in the wrong if you dare to question their narrative.

They need the attention to always be on them

You’re worried about your mom. Well, that’s unfortunate because the emotional vampire is going through their own thing and they demand to know why you aren’t focused on them. That’s right. Feed them all of your attention. Eventually, you’re nothing but a husk with no ability to take care of yourself.

They need excessive amounts of encouragement

I don’t know if you’ve ever watched a parent congratulate their small child after they use the potty during those training months, but sometimes dealing with an emotional vampire feels just like that. Whatever they do needs to be commended, even if the task seems benign. Woe to you if you do not applaud them for microwaving you those leftovers or buying a bag of coffee to replace the one they drank. Should they perform a chore they were supposed to do, you have to give them praise anyway. As the victim of an emotional vampire, you must always be ready to feed their ego with your emotional energy.

They downplay your achievements and problems

Congratulations! You got a promotion. Yet the emotional vampire feels the need to remind you that you’re not earning much more money. Oh no, you’re sad about your loans now? Well, the emotional vampire or someone they know has it worse, so stop being sad. Actually, you should stop being selfish and start working together to find a solution to the emotional vampire’s financial woes. After all, your problems and achievements will always be second to theirs.

They act like they bear the cross at all times

Everything they do is a struggle, don’t you know? So you need to constantly let them know you understand how hard their life is. Tell them how good they are doing at their job. Tell them that they are too honest a person and that’s why they are having trouble keeping friends. Tell them you are wowed by the ability to be brave in an hour-long commute. They are the heroes of their own journey, and they want their story to be known. You become their captive audience, whether you want to or not.

They don’t take your feelings or desires into account

When you’re dating an emotional vampire you are lower on the food chain and thus your needs are not as important. If the emotional vampire must have someone to vent to while you are busy preparing for a meeting, that’s too bad. If you’ve been planning an evening with friends for a week but they have a “breakdown” on the night in question, they expect you to stay home and take care of them. You shouldn’t desire anything except to feed your emotional vampire’s insatiable need to be sympathized and loved.

Forget the garlic. Run far away as fast as you can. There is no surviving an emotional vampire.

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