Women Are Setting High Standards and Choosing to Stay Single

Vanessa Torre

Men, of course, are single because women have these high standards.

Photo by Vlada Karpovich via Pexels

Yesterday, I took myself out to lunch. When I’m by myself, I always sit at the bar. I feel like it’s courteous. This way, I don’t take up a table and the bar always offers surprising company I wouldn’t otherwise meet sitting by myself.

I sat on the corner next to an older woman finishing her glass of wine. On my other side were two young ladies in their late 20s. As my glass of wine was placed in front of me, a man crossed the restaurant and started chatting up one of the ladies.

In the span of five minutes, he disclosed the following: He’s 45. He lied to the wait staff that his dog was a service animal so he could bring it inside. He got drunk last night while clubbing. He was too hungover today to go to the river so he’s just day drinking instead. He wants them to come over to his apartment pool for a pool party in a little bit. He mistakenly thought it was 5pm, when it was actually 2pm.

I do not feel I am being too bold by saying that a lying, alcoholic man old enough to be her dad but does not own his own home is no 28-year-old’s idea of a catch. The same holds true for a 38-year-old, 48-year-old, and 58-year-old.

He left after being told by the ladies that there was no way they would be joining him. Of course, before he left he wrote down his number on a piece of paper. Just in case. He had to write it twice because, with the amount of liquor in his body, he wrote it down wrong the first time.

Once he was gone, I turned to the ladies and disclosed that I was around his age. This man is my dating pool. I told them THIS is why I’m single. It’s why they’re single, too.

A few weeks ago I was told by a man that the reason women are single is that their standards are too high. They have an unrealistic ideal and no man will ever live up to it.

I think he’s dead wrong. Women are not single because of their high standards. That misfortune falls soundly on the heads of men.

Women with high standards are single as a result of their own choices.

This lady at the restaurant could easily have thrown all her standards out the window and put the guy’s number in her purse. She gave it to the bartender to throw away instead. Because she has standards. At that moment, she chose to stay single.

The man, on the other hand, is also still single. The difference is that she made that choice for him.

There should never be any expectation that lowering one’s standards is a necessity for entering into couplehood. Also, no one should be made to feel that their standards are too high. We all have standards for a reason.

Our standards are based on our past experiences, our hits and misses.

The wonderful thing for women is that the last 50 years have seen a radical increase in how high we are able to set those standards and we reserve every right to hold the line on them.

Fifty years ago, a woman could not get approved for a credit card on her own. Now, we have have credit cards, mortgages, businesses, and a 401k. Instead of looking for a man who can take care of them financially, women are looking for men who can keep up with them financially.

We’ve reassessed whether we believe in the societal construct of having a child is something we care to do. Women have openly chosen to focus on building their own future and career. So instead of spend their 20s or even 30s looking for a suitable mate to help her fill nurseries, women are looking for men who will be suitable companions and partners.

Spending the rest of your life with someone looks very different when you don’t have nearly two decades of small humans to distract you from the fact that you have to live with every part of that other adult in your house.

This is not a social crisis. This is our current state of affairs. This is the great overdue evening of the playing field.

We, as women, have learned over the years how to accept ourselves and feel comfortable in our own skin. We will gladly trade the company of someone who is not enough for years spent by ourselves because we have acquired that strength. This is not a fault. This is our power.

We don’t use it as a weapon though I am sure some men will see it that way. We use it to build the life we envision for ourselves regardless of what company that does or does not include.

There is a simple solution for the men that are single because of our high standards. Meet them. Understand why we have them, why they’re important, and why we won’t give them up. We’ll tell you where we’ve set the bar. Clear it.

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Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, she won’t stop taking pictures of her drinks. vanessaltorre@gmail.com IG: vanessaltorre Twitter: @vanessaltorre

Phoenix, AZ

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