Whoever Told You Love Should Be Easy Was Wrong

Vanessa Torre

It’s hard work and it’s worth it.


Once upon a time, someone told me love should be easy. I believed them. It was all horseshit.

The idea of easy love landed me married to the first of my two husbands at 27. He was my best friend. He was easy to be with. He was good enough. So I married him. When it got hard, when we struggled, he wasn’t all in. I was until I just couldn’t anymore.

Love is worth fighting for. It’s worth waking up every day and facing your own issues, the other person’s issues and the issues of half the damn people in the world out there working to convince you it’s just not worth it.

My last boyfriend clearly needed easy. I’m not easy. Our relationship was not easy. It was going to require a lot of work and time and care. I never doubted for a second that I could do that. I thought he was worth it. He had some external influences that just sucked the life out of him. He didn’t have the bandwidth. I fought for us by myself.


The hardest part of being in the ring fighting for something by yourself is that every single swing you take lands back on you. Until you leave the ring black and blue. I’m not going to lie, it made me feel not worth fighting for and it hurt like hell.

We all deserve someone who is going to stay in that ring with us and do the hard work. This is the biggest struggle I have with finding someone. If you are not out in the dating world right now, let me tell you what it’s like:

No one wants to put forth any kind of effort into anything. No one seems willing to do that hard work. No one stays all in.

Things get hard and people tuck their tails and run because it becomes hard. Even in the beginning. We give up at the slightest sign of discomfort. The endless parade of dating options will eventually pass through again and we can take another stab at easy love.

I know this is a huge generalization and I think there are many people out there that could easily disagree with me. I understand that my perspective is one of a slightly hardened divorcee who fears living the rest of her life without love.

This is not to say that you should fight every fight. Not everyone is worth that. They’ll let you know if they’re not. They’ll let you know when they are.

There is no honor in trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

But, when there’s something worth effort, give it what you have. Go down swinging.

I want a lover AND a fighter. You can be both. Each role is called for from time to time. There will always be bad days. Weeks even. You have to grab on to each other and not let go. To let each other know that you’ll make it. I think I’m worth that.

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Flaming pinball, nerd, music lover, wine snob, horrible violin player. No, she won’t stop taking pictures of her drinks. vanessaltorre@gmail.com IG: vanessaltorre Twitter: @vanessaltorre

Phoenix, AZ

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