10 Reasons Why a Man Comes Back After He Dumps You

Traveling with Alice

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He left you. You’re spending hours looking at the phone, praying to receive a text or a phone call from him. You might feel stupid and miserable for wishing his return, while your friends try to do their best to help you forget that idiot.

I feel you, I’ve been there. Over the years, I paid particular attention to similar behaviors and noticed that it is common for men to come back to a woman after a discussion or a break up.

Sometimes, they come back right after the fight; on other occasions, they contact you after months with the dumbest excuse ever.

Why do men seem inclined to retrace their steps and go back to the woman they left?

I’ve tried to find a logical or emotional explanation as to why men often come back, and I’ve come up with ten different reasons.

Reason #1: Something reminds him of you

One of my exes reached out to me after months of silence because he knew a company was looking for a secretary and thought of me.

Sometimes people are just curious about what you’re doing, how you’re holding up, and use the most feeble excuse to reach out to you.

Maybe he misses you and wants to know if you’re still feeling something for him. The best way for him to not come clean about his feelings right away is to approach you with a pretext.

He might have seen your mother at the mall or ran with the car in front of your house. Anything might fit the purpose of seeing if you have already moved on with your life and make you question your emotions.

Reason #2: He wants to have sex

You made him feel great, loved, appreciated. He left thinking he could expect the same from any other woman on the planet and have sex with whoever he wanted. Months have gone by, and he didn’t find anyone who desired to have sex with him.

He started thinking about what to do to fulfill his wish and was reminded of you — the way you made him feel, the time spent making love together. So, he reaches out to you to see if you’re still single and interested in him.

What’s wrong with having sex with an ex? Nothing, but be careful not to expect anything more, or you might get hurt again.

Reason #3: good memories are taking over

Time is passing by, and he starts to forget the reasons why he left you. Why did you two fight? He doesn’t remember.

But he remembers the good time spent together, all the fun on holidays, the romantic dinners, and how beautiful it was to fall asleep hugged.

We can choose to forget bad memories if we misremember the context in which they happened or substitute them with pleasant ones.

Sometimes, it is a self-induced mechanism to protect ourselves from painful thoughts, while it might also occur over time with no particular effort.

Your ex probably didn’t find anyone who makes him feel as good as you once did. So, why not come back to you and see if things can work again?

Reason #4: Friends and family remind him of the amazing couple you were

Some men highly value the opinion of friends and family. After listening to the same words from several people, he might have realized that he was wrong to leave you.

He followed someone else’s advice and returned to you. Does he want to stay with you for real or only because others put the idea in his mind?

Reason #5: He regrets breaking up with you and feels guilty

According to a study conducted by Elite Singles, 39% of the people interviewed admitted they regret breaking up with the partner, and 43% of them were men.

Sometimes people change their minds and realize they made the wrong decision. It happens regarding many situations in life, with relationships too.

On other occasions, men come back because they feel guilty. They left a partner knowing she would have suffered, and after a while, they want to check on her and be friends.

This might light some hope in you, but they’re not moved by love, but rather by pity.

Reason #6: He’s too lazy to start over with someone else

He’s single again. He starts to go out with friends, meet other women, and approach them.

But courtship takes time and effort, and he doesn’t want to spend time to get to know another woman and change his routine to fit her in.

So, why not turn back to you? He already knows your rhythms and habits, what you like, and how to deal with you.

He conquered you once, and doing it again will require less effort than starting all over with someone new.

Reason #7: You are a challenge…again

He left you, you cried in despair, then you rolled up your sleeves and got back on your feet. Now you have an exciting life, new friends, hobbies, and are busy taking good care of yourself.

And he’s back! But you’re not interested in him anymore, because you moved on. To him, you are a challenge, and it makes you look appealing.

Some men love to conquer an independent and confident woman who doesn’t fall at their feet right away.

It’s just human nature to think things that are difficult to get are more valuable; the same principle applies to relationships.

A man might quickly get bored with a woman who’s always ready to satisfy all his needs and come running when he calls.

Playing hard to get might add a little bit of spice to the relationship and keep the partner interested.

Reason #8: He didn’t find anyone else interesting

“The grass is always greener on the other side.” So why not leave you behind and start looking for someone with an exciting life?

The plan must have sounded perfect for him, until he realized that most people do the same things every day, and most of them are far away from having an exciting life.

He probably started dating someone else in these months and ended up bored or with women he deemed unworthy of his time.

Suddenly, your life and passions don’t look so dull anymore. Maybe you two used to share some hobbies, and he couldn’t find anyone else to do those things with.

Reason #9: He’s ready for commitment

Some people get scared when they start hearing about engagement, marriage, or children. Maybe your partner freaked out and ran away as soon as he heard you talking about “serious stuff.”

People don’t always dare to explain what they’re dealing with; they rather disappear, only to come back later and reveal what really happened.

It might be frustrating to see your partner ghosting you for no apparent reason to come back a few times later, ready to commit for good.

Some men have gone through negative relationships and now need some extra help to stop self-sabotaging.

Reason #10: He genuinely misses you

Not all men end a relationship to come back later for reasons like jealousy, sex, or because they are too lazy to start a new story with someone else.

He might have left you because he was living far away from you, had family problems or job issues that were messing up his life, and he couldn’t focus on the relationship with you.

Maybe now he’s free of those problems, is still interested in building something with you, and wants to know if you still feel the same.

If you believe he’s genuinely honest with you and there were real problems that got out of the way, maybe it’s the right time to give him a second chance.


Every man is different, as is every woman. There isn’t a rule that states he’s coming back, when, and for what reasons. It’s up to you to determine why he’s back and if he’s worth your time.

We have a saying in Italy that we often use when someone is trying to rebuild a relationship that went wrong the first time: “Reheated soup is never good.”

It means that when a romantic relationship gets cold or ends, and you try to warm it up again, it doesn’t feel the same anymore and is not likely to work well.

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” — Marilyn Monroe

This article is for informational purposes only. It doesn’t provide relationship advice; always consult a professional for any matters.

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