*This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events I experienced firsthand; used with permission.
My first real relationship was with a young man I met at the movies. It was a hot summer day, and my best friend and I had decided to escape the heat by watching the latest vampire movie on the big screen in an ice-cold air-conditioned movie theater.
We were the only ones in the theater until two teen boys our age entered. Despite all the empty seats surrounding us, they sat directly behind us. The four of us ended up chatting throughout the entire movie instead of watching it.
By the time the movie ended, I was smitten with the six-foot-tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed boy who would become my first boyfriend. We exchanged numbers. Within days, we were in love, or so I thought.
It wasn't until months later that he confessed he was far more attracted to my best friend, but he hadn't pursued her because she was too pretty. "Things never work out with a girl who looks like that," he confided.
I wasn't pleased. I probably shouldn't have asked him to elaborate. I should have known I wouldn't like the answer. Nonetheless, I did ask, and I was disappointed. My boyfriend thought my friend was the prettiest girl in the world. I could never be better than second place.
Who wants to be a consolation prize?
My best friend dated a succession of my boyfriend's friends. I was happy to serve as her matchmaker in the hopes that securing a boyfriend of her own might make her less attractive to my own boyfriend. Unfortunately, none of those budding potential relationships ever blossomed.
Although my boyfriend only mentioned his initial attraction to my friend once, once was enough. It was hard not to think of his comment. Hard not to think how he'd originally been attracted to her but had decided to pursue me as the less attractive option.
It was a comment that boiled and festered within me throughout our entire relationship ... and obviously beyond. I don't think I'll ever forget it. To this day, I feel triggered.
Either don't choose me or don't tell me why you didn't choose my friend.
We can't prevent our significant others from being attracted to other people no matter how much we might like to. However, I'm not so sure an attraction to other people should be disclosed to one's partner, particularly with no plans to act on it. After all, he did choose me.
My friend certainly was pretty with her green eyes, naturally curly hair, perfectly straight teeth, and porcelain skin. Why then hadn't he simply pursued her instead of making me feel like a consolation prize? Oh right. I already have my answer. "Things never work out with a girl who looks like that."
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