Bride's future in-laws refuse to throw her a wedding shower, then throw one for another bride-to-be weeks later

Tracey Folly

*This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events I experienced firsthand; used with permission.

My boyfriend and I decided to get married in the spur of the moment. Despite what many people assumed due to our rushed nuptials, we weren't expecting a baby. We just wanted to move out of our parents' respective homes, and getting married seemed to be the easiest way to do so.

I didn't expect anyone to throw me a bridal shower, and I certainly didn't ask anyone about it. In fact, the subject didn't come until one day just weeks before my wedding date when I was at a backyard barbecue at the home of my future husband's heavily pregnant aunt and her husband.

She and I were the only ones sitting at a picnic table when she turned to me and told me they weren't throwing a shower because they didn't have enough time. "We talked about it," she said.

Was she talking about a baby shower?

I was so sure she was referring to a baby shower that I made some comment like, "You had just as much time to throw a shower as anyone else. Didn't you?"

My comment made perfect sense to me. Every pregnancy lasts approximately nine months, so she had as much time as anyone else to plan a baby shower if she wanted one. I felt rather on the spot having to explain this to her. It wasn't even her first baby.

Besides, why was she telling me about it?

When I realized she was talking about throwing (or should I say "not throwing"?) me a bridal shower, I felt so embarrassed. I wished I could have taken back my comment, which surely sounded even more flippant and rude given the actual context.

I accepted that my husband's family wouldn't be throwing me a bridal shower. In fact, I didn't give it another thought until the entire family rallied together to throw another woman a bridal shower when she'd announced her wedding date after I had.

Unlike me, the other bride-to-be actually was expecting a baby in around six months.

My mother and I attended her wedding shower together. She was marrying my husband's cousin in just a few weeks. Yet somehow, the exact same group of aunts, uncles, and cousins who had planned her party had decided against planning one for me. Yes, this group included my mother-in-law.

Yes, they also threw the other woman a baby shower. She got two showers before my wedding, and I got none.

I'm not jealous; I'm just curious.

In the end, her marriage didn't last any longer than mine did. I don't know whether she got to keep any of the small appliances or bedding she received at her wedding shower. I hope she did.

What would you have done? Comments are welcome.

Why would you want to Buy Me a Coffee? I am a full-time writer and a full-time unpaid caregiver to my 82-year-old father, who lives with Parkinson's. 100% of your tip or donation goes toward paying for my dad's groceries. Thank you.

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Writing about relationships online since 2009.

Massachusetts State

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