Woman refuses to have a baby to please partner's picky mom: 'You don't even like me, why do you want me to have a baby?'

Tracey Folly

*This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events I experienced firsthand; used with permission.

I've always wondered why some people seem so heavily invested in whether other people have children. As a woman who is child-free by choice, I have faced the wrath of many men and women who feel I am wasting my uterus by not putting a baby in it.

I respectfully disagree.

Since I've never wanted children, remaining child-free is both a choice and a lifestyle, and quite frankly, I've worked hard not to start a family that I don't want. Why would anyone want to change my mind? That's what I'd like to know.

My ex-boyfriend's mother didn't like me. In fact, she couldn't stand me. She'd barely speak to me.

The feeling was mutual. We didn't like each other. We didn't see eye to eye, and we didn't speak unless she was pressuring me to bear her son's children.

Imagine if everyone thought the same way you did. The human race would die out.

FYI, her son didn't want to have children with me either. We were a united front, but it wasn't enough to convince his mother. As far as she was concerned, providing her with grandchildren was an obligation that we refused to fulfill.

You're just being selfish. It's your job in this world to have children. It's the reason God put you here.

I have no problem with anyone's belief in God unless, of course, they think God wants me to have unwanted children. Aren't there enough unwanted children in this world without my contributing to the problem? I think there are.

None of my arguments against having children got through to her. Finally, I asked her the question that got her off my back for good.

You don't even like me, why do you want me to have a baby?

She spluttered and her eyes flashed, but she kept quiet.

In the end, her son and I didn't get married or stay together. If we'd had children, it would have been a disaster. Fortunately, I realized that from the start, and I never let anyone change my mind.

Trying to force other people to have children is as futile as it is dumb. That may sound harsh, but it's less harsh than trying to control another person's reproductive choices. As one potential grandparent wrote in the HuffPost:

[...] having grandchildren is not really a goal or an ambition -- it's based on someone else's life, and goals based on other people's actions are really not goals, they're just wishes.

What do you think? Does a person in possession of a uterus have an obligation to bear children to continue the human race or please a partner's parents? Comments are welcome.

Why would you want to Buy Me a Coffee? I am a full-time writer and a full-time unpaid caregiver to my 82-year-old father, who lives with Parkinson's. Your tip or donation allows me to provide for his care and comfort around the clock while working from home. Thank you.

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Writing about relationships online since 2009.

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