A woman should never have to apologize for not wanting to have children

Tracey Folly

*This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events I experienced firsthand; used with permission.

Here's what Ximena and Jasmine got wrong on 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days.

I am a big fan of TLC's 90 Day Fiancé franchise, but a scene from last night's episode of 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days left me feeling queasy.

In the episode that aired on Sunday, January 16, 2022, Colombian citizen Ximena Morales confessed to her American boyfriend Mike Berk that she had a surgical procedure following her second birth to prevent her from having more children.

Mike was devastated. He also had a lot of questions for his potential fiancée, including why she chose to undergo a sterilization procedure before she met him.

Here's my question: Why should any woman have to explain her reproductive choices to a man, especially a man she hadn't even met yet at the time she made them?

Watching Ximena try to justify her decision about her body was like hearing nails on a chalkboard. It set my teeth on edge. Ultimately, she asked her beau for forgiveness, and he came around to accepting that the results of her surgical sterilization procedure are permanent.

I would never apologize for not wanting to have children, and it makes me sad that a woman would be made to beg forgiveness for choosing not to have children, or not to have more children as in the case of Ximena Morales and Mike Berk.

As far as why Ximena didn't simply tell him sooner, well, their relationship is still new, and a woman can't be expected to spill the beans on all her past surgeries and reproductive history right upfront. Can she? Ximena also admitted she was scared to tell him because she didn't want to lose him, calling the thought of losing him, "fatal."

Now that Mike Berk is aware of her inability to conceive more children, it's up to him to decide whether to continue to pursue her or not. It appears he has decided to stay with Ximena and help her raise her two sons from previous relationships as his own.

Later in the same episode, another of the reality television cast faced a similar situation. Gino and Jasmine agreed to start a family as soon as they met in person. Despite Gino's conviction that they were both on the same page, he later learned Jasmine was taking birth control pills.

Although Jasmine has the right to decide not to start a family with Gino, especially so soon after meeting, she could have told him from the start. Just as the situation with Ximena, it isn't the women's reproductive choices that should be questioned but their honesty, or lack thereof.

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Writing about relationships online since 2009.

Massachusetts State

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