My husband never hugged me or held my hand once we got married

Tracey Folly

*This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events I experienced firsthand; used with permission.

My husband never really loved me; I just wish he figured it out before the wedding.

I don't think I ever really felt married. My husband and I were together for a total of two years before we finally tied the knot, but even after we got married, he never hugged me or held my hand. He was always so distant, and I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells around him.

I had always dreamed of getting married and having a big wedding with all of my family and friends there, but now, looking back, I realize it was all a sham. My husband never loved me, and our marriage was nothing but a disaster.

As for my dream wedding, it turned into a potluck dinner on my mother-in-law's sweltering back porch in summer. It was not the wedding I dreamed about when I was a little girl playing with Barbie and Ken.

We didn't even hug, hold hands, or kiss on our wedding day.

Once our vows were complete, he spent the occasion drinking in a dark corner with his best man.

When I brought up some of these things with him, he'd say that I'm just not affectionate enough or that I needed to lose weight, but then he would criticize me for being too thin if I did lose weight. Whenever we were out somewhere together where physical contact is appropriate, like holding hands on a crowded sidewalk or giving each other back rubs after a long day at work, he would ignore me and walk away.

It made me feel like he didn't find me attractive and that's why we never hugged or held hands.

I always felt like I was a burden to him and that he would rather be anywhere else but with me. We eventually got divorced after only being married for five years. When we divorced, it had nothing to do with our lack of affection, but I should mention that he shared plenty of affection with the other women in his life.

He wasn't faithful to me; eventually, I returned the favor.

Looking back, I realize that our lack of physical contact was just one symptom of a much larger problem. If only I had realized it sooner, maybe we could have saved our marriage.

Affection is important in any relationship, but especially in a marriage. If your spouse never hugs you or holds your hand, it might be time to rethink your relationship.

Physical contact is important in any relationship, but especially when you're married. If your partner refuses to hug you or hold your hand, it can feel like they're not interested in you and make you feel very lonely.

If this is happening to you, talk to your partner about it and see if there's a way to fix the problem. If they don't want to fix it, then it might be time to move on.

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Writing about relationships online since 2009.

Boston, MA
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