The bride said her 135-pound sister was too fat to be her bridesmaid

Tracey Folly

The bride was my aunt, and her ‘fat’ sister was my mother, who weighed 135 pounds

My aunt was always very concerned about appearances. It was no wonder then that when she began planning her wedding, she selected only her most beautiful friends, family members, and acquaintances to be in the wedding party.

Since my mother comes from a family of three girls and one boy, she had always assumed she would be in a lot of weddings; and since this particular sister was the oldest and the first to get married, my mother assumed she would be her maid of honor. After all, my mother was the second eldest girl in the family. So who else would it be?

As it turned out, my mother wasn't even a bridesmaid at all. Why? Well, because her sister, who was indeed the most slender of the siblings, had deemed her too fat to be a bridesmaid.

"I don't want you ruining my wedding photos," she explained.

My mother was understandably distraught; and at 135 pounds, she was far from fat anyway, not that weight should ever make the difference between who should and shouldn't support the bride on her special day.

She knew what she looked like: ‹› A woman with curves in all the right places, but without any real excess flesh. And although I have never seen my aunt's wedding pictures, she is obviously quite thin, as well.

My mother's face was just slightly more oval than round, while my aunt's was definitely more angular and square.

It was also true that my mother was shorter by almost an inch. My aunt, however, stood at five feet four inches tall. But there were other differences besides height and weight. While my mother had dark hair and eyes, my aunt's was light brown and straight, so much so that some people thought it might be naturally curly. Her eyes were also different: they seemed darker, darker, a shade or two lighter than my mother's. She also had freckles across both cheeks, something my mother did not possess.

And then there was her mouth. The shape of it was completely different. While my mother's lips were full and pouty, my aunt's were thinner, more delicate looking. They were definitely smaller too. In fact, when she smiled, it made her look like a mischievous little girl.

But now here we are, nearly half a century later, and still my mother hasn't forgiven my aunt for being mean-spirited enough to deny her the opportunity to be in the wedding party.

"We could have done without your constant complaining," my aunt had told her. "Besides, if you were going to be a bridesmaid, you should have lost some weight."

My mother was furious.

She had been eating healthily, exercising regularly, and working hard to keep herself trim. And yet, after months of dieting and working out, she hadn't reached her goal weight. Still, she didn't feel bad about her body. She felt good about her figure. She loved her body. She thought it was perfect.

So why was she constantly upset with her sister? It was offensive being told she was too fat to be a bridesmaid. Being told she would ruin the wedding album with her perfectly acceptable 135-pound body was even more offensive.

Just as every body is a bikini body--you just have to buy the bikini--every body is a bridesmaid body.

You don't need to be an actress or model to know that you're beautiful. You don't need a mirror to see yourself as desirable.

And you certainly don't need anyone else to tell you how wonderful you are.

If someone doesn't like your body, they can go somewhere else.

But if you do happen to be a little overweight, please understand that you are not alone. Most women feel this way. Some may think it's their fault. Others may blame society. But whatever the reason, it happens to the best of us.

The truth is, everyone feels self-conscious about his or her body at times. Everyone has a moment of insecurity. But let me assure you, there is nothing wrong with your body. There is nothing wrong with you.

Your body is a gift. Your body is a temple. Your body is a vehicle for carrying life into the world.

There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing.

And if someone doesn't want you to be in their wedding party because they think you won't look good in the photos, then don't bother going to the wedding, and definitely don't send a gift because if you aren't good enough for the bride then your money isn't any good to her either.

Keep the cash and use it to buy yourself a new bikini. Bikini season is always just around the corner, and you've already got yourself a bikini body no matter what your sister says.

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Writing about relationships online since 2009.

Massachusetts State

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