Why do we stay in toxic relationships?



Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

We’ve all been there.

Sitting staring at a couple in the distant hating at each other, kicking and screaming and desperately trying to be heard.

Problem is, a lot of the times that couple is actually us and we are the ones knowingly staying in a relationship that everyone can see isn’t good for us.


What is it that makes people throw all logic out the door and force themselves into situations that leave them tired frustrated or worse broken?

After having time to reflect on my own mistakes and moments of weakness, this is a list of the most common reasons I think people stick around way too long:

You think they will change

The most common and most sad reason people tend to stay in toxic relationships is they believe their partner will change.

Our society glorifies commitment so much that it almost completely ignores educating people on how to cut your loses and forget the sunken costs of a relationship.

If your partner is making no obvious changes and you seem to be repeating the same fights over an over again then it's time to leave.


You’re not financially stable enough to leave

Especially in the current climate, a lot of people can afford to pay for their living expenses alone.

Couples that find themselves in a toxic relationship may be unwilling to leave the situation because they are not sure how they are going to be able to make the next rent payment alone or afford a new place at all.

You can’t imagine life without them

Toxic relationships all seem to share the trait of becoming all consuming after a while.

Once a person finally comes to term that a relationship is unhealthy and destructive, they might still stay around because they have no idea how to live life without their current partner.

Spending effort relearning your goals and passions is crucial to help you remember what your life was like before the relationship.

You lack self esteem

Toxic relationships destroy your self esteem.

The constant attacks on your physical and mental character take their toll and eventually you end up a husk of your former self.

This is one of the harder parts of the relationship to repair because it takes a long time to undo all the negative talk that runs through your head daily.

Taking time to hang out with positive and independent friends can help you relearn those traits in your self and help you build up enough confidence to end the relationship.

Ending the relationship is hard, but the long term effects of living with low self-esteem could end with a life full of regrets and that isn’t worth any minor comfort a toxic relationship might give.

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On a journey to discover better ways of living and succeeding in the modern world. Writing articles about my discoveries on the way!


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