Communication is not what makes successful couples tick.
Why are John and Wilda such a sweet couple, but you can’t stand your spouse anymore? The sweet little oinks she used to let in the morning now sound like sweaty-pig grunts.
Ohh, how can you survive another day with that awful person?
Wilda and John are just the same. No couple is perfect.
Here’s how they make it work.
1. Successful couples know how to use the critic’s hamburger.
“Baby, I love you, and I know you work hard. But you need to do something about that dirty laundry after hitting the gym. The whole room has a bad case of smelly armpits. You’re great, tho, and so fit. I love you.”
If you’re planning to criticize your partner, place it in a hamburger. The buns are complements, and the beef is, well, beef. Tell it as it is, but tell it gently. Otherwise, you’re risking an argument and possibly alienating the partner.
2. You don’t have to be head-over-heels in love with your spouse every waking moment of your life.
Many people ride the waves of being madly in love and forget to live a stable life. People chasing that honeymoon high from one person to another are just reversed junkies. Instead of heroin, they’re juicing on love.
Love doesn’t have to be a drug. You can instead use it as a medicine.
Smart couples know their highs and lows and make the best of it.
3.They’re OK with being alone and taking time off their partners.
After the love part, maintain a relationship is like running a company.
You need a vacation from time to time. You’re OK to feel like you need space, but once you’re out there and your partner is not around anymore, you’re ready to start appreciating your relationship more.
4. They smell each other’s farts.
If your spouse has never farted in front of you, are is that even your spouse?
Long-lasting couples become comfortable with each other in a way you can’t even be comfortable with your best buddies. Comfortable means being OK with disgusting stuff and seeing it more as a joke than a transgression.
5. Successful couples tell each other’s when they stink.
If your partner has forgotten to use the shower in quarantine, well, it’s time they find that out.
People can get too comfortable, and sometimes your partner needs you to tell them how their new behavior affects other people.
Be careful to use the Critic’s Hamburger to express your dissatisfaction.
6. Accomplished couples support each other even when they don’t understand what’s going on.
Support is the backbone of any relationship.
If your partner is not lifting you up during challenging times, why are they there in the first place? Everybody can criticize and tell you why you’re wrong, but only special people can see beyond their ego and trust that you know what you’re doing.
Starting a business without a supportive partner is almost impossible.
7. Respect is the key to a good relationship.
Forget about communication and focus on respecting your partner.
Most successful couples are not even good at talking to each other, but they respect their parents and trust that whatever the partner is doing, they’re doing it for the good of both. Respect your partner, always.
Don’t get me wrong, communication is a good skill, but it’s overrated in relationships. Respect will actually get you to long-term places.
8. Successful couples are 'doing it' and going out together.
People rarely change in a relationship. Your parent was probably just the same, but you decided to overlook the red flags for a warm bed and fun.
When you stop going places together and don’t jump each other’s bones anymore, the problems get the stage. Take you, parent, for dinner, cook something unusual, and organize a frisky intimate game.
Keep an open mind. You can’t always count on the fun to just magically come your way as it does during the honeymoon phase, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.
Sometimes you have to jumpstart the engine of feel-good emotions.
9. Parents ain't equal in relationships.
You’re not equal in the relationship.
Relationships are like a band, according to Chris Rock. You can’t have two lead singers competing for spotlights because that’s not how you play a song. Similarly, Relationships are slow dance. You can’t have two people leading.
“You’re both there to serve in a relationship” — Chris Rock.
10. They also resent each other just as much as you can’t stand your partner.
Yeah, if you can’t stand your partner 25% of the time, is that even your partner?
The longer you spend with someone, the more you notice the ugly part of their life. Don’t worry. Your partner is frustrated by your actions just as much as you are with your partner’s.
11. Awesome couples don’t compare (too much) with other couples.
Don’t worry, perfect Wilda and John are no better than you two.
John is probably a serial killer, and Wilda eats used tampons for breakfast, as far as we know. I’m just kidding, but you never know the other person, so comparing is not a healthy way to set relationship goals.
However, lightly glancing at the success of others is not a bad thing. But keep it in doses, like you do tequila. Too much firewater could make you wake up in the wrong house, at the wrong time, with the person that makes you gag.
Embrace the weirdness, get comfortable, and support your loved ones.
Awesome couples are usually weird ones.
Support your spouse, respect their decisions, and go out now and then.
Relationships are only as hard as people make them hard. But we all always make them hard for some unknown reason, so be nice, and don’t compare too much to others.