7 Relationship Insights That Will Help You Understand Women

Toni Koraza


Photo by gaspar manuel zaldo

Everything they tell you about women is wrong.

Society teaches men all the wrong things about women.

I spent most of my teenage years trying to understand these unicorn creatures —  the girls. And frankly, I never did. But somewhere along the line, I met my best friend (a girl), and 10 years later, we were ready to go above and beyond for one another without getting too physical.

I can go deep into why women don’t get men — the male depression, the importance of Men's Rights Activists, suicide rates, and all that funk that affects men more than women. Conversely, women can tell you all about sexual discrimination, workplace discrimination, feminism, and all that funk that affects women.

We’re avoiding that black hole in this story, and I’m sharing 10 actionable steps that can help you meet the other half of the planet through a more humane lens.

(The post is about biological men and women, and not about masculine and feminine orientation and gender politics. Gender misunderstandings are a story for another article.)

Men are just as confusing to women as women are to men.

Women express love differently, communicate differently, have different goals and capacities for things.

Neither sex is superior or inferior in the grand scheme of things, but biologically we’re more talented at different things. [When men and women work on the same beat together, they govern societies, erect skyscrapers, and nurture baby humans. When we’re out of touch, we go extinct as a species.]

Women are more in tune with other people, psychology, and empathy. Simultaneously, men are better at stuff, such as building houses, computers, and tools, according to a study published in the American Psychological Association.

Men tend to quantify their experience more than women, and that’s fine. You’re not a bigot because you want to measure the world around you. But don’t expect the same answer from women. She may not care about the number of countries you traveled, your latest score on Call of Duty, and how you’ve chugged 89 beers in one night at college.

Men and women express love in different ways, and that’s great.

Men often give, give, and give some more until they’re pleased with what they’ve accomplished.

Men are ready to give everything to their women, from affection to expensive jewelry. Conversely, women give with an expectation of getting something in return, even if that is a nice gesture.

The disconnect happens when both sides see the other one through the lens of self. We expect to receive the same love we give. I’m confused when women provide you with something and then keep track of your contributions.

Once you can understand this dynamic, your relationship with women improves.

Women don’t want your solutions.

Women find nothing more annoying than a man trying to solve their problems.

When women rant to men, they’re not looking for expertise, solutions, or explanations. Women need emotional support. Men are in best grace if they agree, nod, and listen. Sprinkle a dash of “you’re amazing, pretty, and powerful” on top, and you’re becoming the real women pleaser.

But if she tells you about troubles with Becky from the office, don’t tell her how to solve her problem with Becky. Women don’t want your solutions. Just listen, nod, and nervously smile.

She’s not direct and wants you to work for it.

Think of subtle cues if you want to understand women.

She’s not keen on telling you she wants to do things, like go for diner today. Women typically say, “a new restaurant is opening tonight, just down the block.” If you don’t pick on the cue, she may feel ignored and get mad.

“Why didn’t you take me out last night,” could be a follow-up conversation the day after, and men would typically reply, “I had no idea you wanted to eat out.”

Gifts are even more complicated, and women are very keen on installing subtle cues on what they want for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. If she says how she desires nothing for Christmas, that means she already has shared everything she wants, and more than once at that.

In her head, she gave you the whole blueprint.

In your head, probably two chimps are banging on a bongo drum and downing tequila shots.


Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

Men need alone time to process problems, and women need friendly support.

Women often don’t understand why men need to be alone to process things.

We process emotions differently, which may confuse us. Women may feel ignored in both instances, and men may feel annoyed by the intensity of women’s sharing.

The silver line is letting the other person process their issues in their way, without taking it personally.

Just let it be.

Women need appreciation showers, while men have no idea what to do with compliments.

How does a guy react to a “you’re beautiful” compliment? I have no idea.

I know that I get uncomfortable and often have no idea what to say back. Women seek affirmation and approval from people around them. Leading back to the previous point, women are more interested in people, while men understand stuff and abstract calculations more, on average.

I’m not saying that women or men can’t be spectacularly good in any role, because they can.

You can find awesome single fathers and astonishing woman physicists (Marie Curie and Amelia Earhart instantly come to mind.)

However, you have a better chance of making friends with the opposite sex through the lens of understanding that women may process and communicate things differently than you. Maybe not every point from this list holds for every individual but understanding how fundamental differences may play out gives you way more chance to be a “normal guy” in women's eyes. Conversely, women don’t look like coked-up psychos anymore.

People often tend to forget that the world is not them and how they’re just a part of the world. Other people may see things fundamentally differently.

Coming to terms with your ignorance is the first step to understanding the other side.

Listen when she talks, pick up on subtle cues, offer support, share with genuine interest, and soon you’ll have women friends for life.

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Curious Fellow | Founder at Mad Company, and MadX.Digital | Writes about Current Events, Lifestyle, and Money |

Miami, FL

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