How to Drown Your Feelings with Work

Todd Brison

Do the most while feeling the least

Humans are quite busy these days. Pandemics. Riots. Thirst for justice. Trust me, the very LAST thing you want to do is allow any of these things to give you feelings and maybe… you know… spur a change in your life.

Feelings are pesky. They get in the way. Who needs to consider the emotional impact of choices? Why bother with a moment’s thought wondering if you can actually change the world? Why struggle to a greater ambition for your life’s purpose?

Who needs to feel when you could hustle anyway? Hustling is much cooler.

Here’s how to feel fewer feelings so you can get back to crushing or killing or murdering your day. (The more violent your comparison to work, the better you’re doing).

Please be aware this piece is tongue in cheek.

Assume work is the priority, always

Kid’s birthday? Doesn’t matter. Partner upset? Doesn’t matter. Forgot to follow through on a commitment? Doesn’t matter. Nothing, ever, should sway you from your all-important task of endless work. Better to pretend world events don’t exist, no matter how meaningful they may be.

Awareness of what’s around you may lead to the worst result: a reassessment of all your life’s purpose. Don’t get caught up in those nagging thoughts that maybe there is more to your time on Earth than punching a keyboard.

Keep your head down.

Keep all your notifications on

100 years ago, F. Scott Fitzgerald described the telephone as an “uninvited guest.” Maybe he could see the future and knew that the true secret to avoiding any real feelings is making sure everyone can reach you all the time. Feelings suck, but shallow dopamine hits are great!

Do it all. Tik Tok. Snapchat. Instagram. Twitter. Quora. Medium. Reddit. Digg. Imgur. You aren’t really famous until you are famous everywhere.

You think you’re feeding into the agendas of these app makers instead of your own? Who told you that?

Ignore your health

Why would you bother running when instead you could hunch over a laptop and teach yourself a skill that may or may not be useful to you in the long run? Why walk 10,000 steps when you could delete 10,000 emails one by one? After all, your work doesn’t depend on your body, right? You mostly think for a living. You aren’t an athlete.

Never mind that grandmaster chess champions have workout and diet routines that rival UFC fighters. They are probably just outliers.

Remember everything is equally important

Sam sent you an email about helping him with his password, but you were trying to finish a blog post. Also, your boss just texted you to review his latest speech, and a friend messaged you on Slack would like you to assist him with an adverting campaign.

Which of these is the most important? The answer is — all of them!

After all, it doesn’t really matter what you are doing when you work, just that you are doing something. You never want to be not doing something. That might let a feeling in! Your best bet is to assume the last thing you were just told is the most important thing. Jump from task to task.

Work-related anxiety is simpler than existential anxiety.

Say yes to literally everything

Should you start a niche site? Yes! Apply for managerial jobs in the corporate world? Yes! Do some freelance work? Yes! Finally get around to writing that book? Yes! Figure out Facebook ads? Yes! Take calls at 5 A.M and 11 P.M. regardless of how useful they are? YES!

You should probably start 12 side hustles. We are trying to drown these feelings, remember? If you don’t feel like you might die at any moment, you aren’t doing it right.

It would be an egregious error to have any sort of filter for the work you do. Progress is not the goal. Busyness is the goal.

Anyone can ignore every single thing going on in the world if they commit to those rules. It’s easy if you try. Here are the tips once more:

  • Assume work is the priority, always
  • Keep all your notifications on
  • Ignore your health
  • Remember everything is equally important
  • Say yes to literally everything

This is the path to winning.

Well, winning at something, anyway.

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Dickson, TN

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