This story is based on true information as told to me and used with permission. All the names have been changed
Sheila's adult daughter refuses to move out.
One day, my 22-year-old daughter called and told me that she and her boyfriend were being evicted due to non-payment of rent. She asked if she could move back home for a few months until she saved some money and found another place. She was working full-time, and I told her "of course." I agreed to let her have the finished basement since it's furnished, with a television and more. I told her she could say but not the boyfriend.
About two weeks into her stay, I went downstairs to wash clothes early one morning. The basement was disgusting. There were clothes, trash, dirty dishes everywhere, and the boyfriend was asleep on my couch.
I woke everyone up, told her to clean my basement up and told him to get out of my house and not to come back.
Long story short- that was six years ago, and she is still here. Now, with a child of her own.
She continued to date the boyfriend, who I continue to dislike, had a baby with him, discovered he is a deadbeat father, broke up with him, and has never made it out of this house.
She has an excuse for EVERYTHING, and EVERYTHING is someone else's fault. She is constantly saying things like, " I need help," "other people have their families," "I know what I'm doing."
I am beyond frustrated. I pay the bills in the house with zero privacy or cooperation. When she can, she gives me $200 each month for rent, but that just covers a small amount. My utilities and grocery bills are much higher with them here. I love my grandson and would do anything for him. His father takes very little responsibility for him. He brings toys from the Dollar store on his birthday and Christmas and buys a few packs of pull-ups, but my daughter and I are the ones who provide clothing, shelter, food, etc. At the same time, I want my daughter to take responsibility and accountability for her decisions and life choices. I am also tired of being disrespected in my house, tired of sharing my life and everything I own, and tired of feeling like I can't have a life. I don't mind helping, but I've been taking full responsibility for six years now.
We are constantly arguing and disagreeing. I'm constantly cleaning up behind them, and taking responsibility for them. I'm tired.
I have sent applications for low income housing, but she always has some excuse. Each year, if she gets a tax return, she wears she is moving out, but then says all of the applications she put in were denied due to her previous eviction.
At this point, I just don't know what to do. She is 28-years-old, my grandson has written all over my walls, my bills are sky high, they've taken over my house, and I can't even think in here.
My daughter showed me these stories and comments about parents who said their children and grandchildren can live with them forever. I think that is beautiful. Hopefully those children are respectful, helpful, and ambitious adults. I want my daughter to be responsible. I want to know that if something happens to me, she will be a responsible adult and my responsible for my grandson. I know everyone won't agree with me, and some mothers feel there children don't ever have to leave the nest. I'm not that mother.
My friend, Erin, said she would love for her daughter and grandson to move in. I raised four children on my own after their father died when the oldest was seven years old. Nothing is more important to me than my children, grandchildren and family. Does that mean I'm not entitled to my own life once I've raised my babies?
Sheila is a mother is facing a crisis many parents find themselves in. According to a 2022 report by Lending Tree:
- 85% of parents would let their children move back in as adults, and 73% said they wouldn’t charge their children rent.
- 32% of millennials moved back home with their parents during the pandemic, and two-thirds still live with them.
- About 50% of parents who let their adult children move back in said their relationships improved. 21% say living with their adult child strained their relationship.
Many blame the cost of living, high rent, and high mortgages have caused them to move in with their parents and to stay. Parents are trying to assist their adult children, while maintaining their happiness, finances and retirement funds.
Are you a parent co-living with an adult child and/or grandchildren? What messages to you give your children as motivation for independence?