I am a Quitter... or so I was

The Nerdy Me

Have you ever started something new to you but chickened out after the first few minutes?

Have you ever wanted to try something very exciting and scary and unknown for you but changed your mind the last minute?

I bet you did.

Actually, all of us at some point in life decided to quit something whenever it got hard, difficult and simply too scary for us to go on.

That's okay. It's natural. However, what is not okay is to keep quitting every single time you get a little bit intimidated.


Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

I'm a quitter.

I quit when it gets hard. I quit when something is too overwhelming to me. I quit when I get scared, intimidated or anxious. I even quit when it's something unfamiliar to me. I quit every single time when I know I shouldn't.

Or so I did.

The problem is that I like my personal bubble, I love my comfort zone.

Me continuing or starting to do something unfamiliar or a bit difficult than usual is stepping out of my comfort zone. That's why I chose to quit. It's simpler, easier and more comfortable for me. But damn it is bad for me and my personal growth.

I once went to volleyball practice and there was this new coach that I didn't know, she seemed very intimidating. Plus I hated volleyball.

The only reason I went to that practice was that my friends went with me, and I thought why not give it a go, you know? Maybe I'll like it after all.

Unfamiliar environment, unknown coach and a lot of girls who knew how to play volleyball very well were all it took for me to grab my things and ran out of that hall. I quitted before even starting.

I took debates class when I was in 10th grade. I thought my friend will be there and it might be fun. Turns out that I was the only one from my class there. I knew nobody and that was scary enough for me to not want to be there any minute longer.

The problem was that I couldn't quit so easily, it was a class I had taken and therefore I had to spend the whole semester in it, and then maybe I could quit if all the conditions were met (a lot of paperwork and other crap that I won't bore you with).

To say that I was dreading that class every single week is an understatement. I didn't enjoy it. I hated it.

I liked the idea of debates and voicing my opinion but the whole public speaking part and a few people in that class were deal breakers for me.

I remember one moment were vividly when I thought: "That's it. I'm quitting this as soon as the semester ends." I was saying my argument during one of the debates, and I can clearly remember a very snarky remark that was made by this one person in that class about it that made quite a few people crack up.

That person was known for being rude, immature and overall one of those 'popular/too-good-for-others' people, so I knew better than to let that person get under my skin. However, it's not as easy when you have social anxiety and things like this happen.

That class was living hell for me. I shed a lot of tears because of it. I was always anxious as hell before every single class and I just wanted for all of it to be over.

One day it was announced that our teacher got sick very badly and was in the hospital. We didn't have classes until the end of the semester.

Two months without any debates class. I will sound like a fucking horrible person but I was so ecstatic and so happy that I didn't need to attend those classes.

The day the semester ended, I handed in an application to quit debates.

I quitted it so fast and with such determination that I couldn't believe myself. I didn't want to prove myself, I didn't want to have another debate ever in my life even if I loved how intense they could get and how exciting the whole preparation process is.

I loved to see how people tried to convince others under 2 minutes that ridiculous statements were true. But I didn't want to do it because it was too intimidating and hard for me. I rather sit in my comfort zone and observe than go out there and voice my opinion risking being called out and ridiculed in front of others.

It would take me a few days to list all of the things and situations in my life that I have quitted.

I quitted writing short stories because I didn't know where I was going with them and investing more time in them sounded too difficult for me.

I quitted an activity that I adored, I quitted dancing because my former team parted ways and because the thought of trying to fit in into a new team scared me shitless.

I stopped myself from doing the things I deeply desired to all my life. That's just who I am was. A quitter and a damn good at that.

That was until I started writing a blog. It's been five years and I'm still at it.

I don't think that I've ever stuck with something for so long. There were many moments when I wanted to say 'fuck it' and just delete it. I didn't have motivation. I was doubting it, myself, my abilities, my writing. I didn't have ideas of what to write. I didn't know how to do it and if anyone ever read it.

But I didn't quit. Something was holding me from quitting blogging. For once in my life, I wanted to do it even if it was hard, difficult at times and bloody overwhelming. I think the day I started the blog was the day I started making a change in myself. A good one.

I can truly say that I have more confidence than I had five years ago. I am less afraid of facing difficult situations. I am better at stepping out of my comfort zone. Most importantly, I'm so much better at continuing instead of quitting now.

So I little word of advice from my personal experience: don't quit just because it sounds easier. I know very well how inviting and tempting it can be, but just think how freaking amazing and rewarding it could be if you chose to keep moving.

Stepping out of your comfort zone once in a while, trying new things, finishing things that excite and both scare you are fuel for your personal growth.

Don't hold yourself back because it is an easier way out. We all have only one life - how incredibly cliche of me to say - so why not use it all to its fullest potential.

Sometimes quitting is what we need to do, and sometimes it's the only option. Things I've been quitting weren't this case. A lot of things you have quitted or are quitting aren't too. So why not give them a go?

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