How to cope with draining insecurity in a relationship?

The Holistic Psychologist

Insecurity is a challenging and painful emotion to feel. It can be a drain on your mental health and your relationships. As humans, we are insecure beings. We experience anxiety, fear, and insecurity on a daily basis. It’s just part of being human. You can see it in your relationships as well. If you’re in a relationship with someone who is emotionally available, then they will be able to relate to these feelings of insecurity that you’re experiencing within the relationship. If not, then there could be problems ahead for the relationship. Insecurity is one of the most uncomfortable feelings in any relationship. We all want to feel secure with our partners, but that’s easier said than done sometimes. How do you cope with insecurity? What are the signs of being insecure? What are the possible reasons for insecurity in a relationship?

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The signs of insecurity in relationships

In relationships with loved ones, insecurity can cause you to engage in unhelpful behaviors and thoughts. This could include:

  • Incessantly check up on your partner, even if you’re no longer with them, to discover their location.
  • Not trusting your partner to remain loyal to you, and always worried that they’re cheating on you.
  • Feeling insecure of everyone else in their lives and feeling resentful of those who are close with them.
  • Do not believe your partner’s word and want to confirm everything they say to you.
  • You are worried that your partner may break up with you at any point.
  • Fishing for compliments or validation to make you more confident and secure.
Based on Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University in New York City, the following behaviors can make your partner leave you.

Reasons for Insecurity in Relationships

These are just some of the possible causes of relationship insecurity:

A previous relationship that was not pleasant

People in bad relationships that saw their partner as insecure or did not treat them well could hold on to their feelings and carry them into new relationships. This happens when people fail to think about and process their feelings about their relationships on their own. Instead, they jump to another one. People typically project their unresolved trauma or emotional baggage onto their new partner without a sufficient reason.

Low Self-Confidence

People who have low confidence can feel secure within their relationships because they might not believe that they deserve the affection or the support of their partner. The experience of being victimized, teased, or abused by your caregivers could convey the message that you’re different or unworthy. These negative experiences can lower your confidence and impact the relationship you have with your current partner.

Insecurity can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, as the fear of losing your partner can lead you to act aggressively and drive them away.

Mistreatment or neglect

People who have a history of mistreatment or neglect are insecure in their relationships because of having experienced a few occasions in which their needs have been satisfactorily satisfied. If they end up having fulfilling positive and stable relationships, it may trigger their fear of loss because it was not offered or guaranteed in the past. When they do find fulfilling and healthy relationships, this might spark their fear of loss because it was never guaranteed or freely given in the past.

Social Anxiety

Many people suffer from anxiety about social situations when it comes to events or parties, dates, or large gatherings; some individuals have more severe symptoms that affect their confidence in relationships. Social anxiety can cause you to become too critical of yourself and make it difficult to believe in the actions and intentions of your partner.

Fear of rejection

Fear of rejection can cause people to feel insecure within a relationship. Being self-conscious makes some people more vulnerable to rejection. Even small setbacks or perceived minor mistakes can trigger their most fears and insecurities. However, the process of persevering through a time of failure can boost confidence and lessen anxiety.

The impact of insecurity

How insecurity can impact your mental health and the relationship you have with your partner.

The impact on mental health

Insecurity affects mental Health, at its core, it is a belief that you’re unworthy. This affects the relationships you have with your partner and relationships with coworkers, friends, children, and family members.

Since you constantly doubt your self-worth, you may be able to accept abusive or unkind treatment from other people, which makes you believe that you’re unworthy because of your relationships.

Influence on relationships

Insecurity can affect your relationship by creating an imbalance. It is easier to focus on what your partner isn’t offering or providing, and you seek assurance or confirmation to validate your fears. You think about your partner to control your insecurity instead of interacting with them as a person of equality.

Strategies to overcome the risk of being insecure

A few strategies can help you deal with stress and feel more at ease within your relationship.

  • Find your triggers: Become more aware of circumstances that create insecurity. Find out what topics or subjects cause insecurity so that you’ll know the areas you need to address.
  • Engage to your partner: Engage in more regular conversations about your fears and how they manifest within your relationship and ways to address them. Don’t hide your fears, try to talk about them.
  • Let your feelings be known: Aim to share your emotions with your partner without blaming them. For example, instead of telling your partner, “You are causing me stress because of…” you could say, “I often get stressed because …”
  • Pay attention to the other person you are with: attempt to listen to your partner with an open heart and be able to comprehend their point of view as well.
  • Journaling is a good idea: It can be beneficial to keep a journal to write down your thoughts whenever you feel uncomfortable. Journaling can assist you in identifying the circumstances that cause you to feel insecure. It is also possible to do an exercise of journaling with your partner to help create the trust you have with your companion.

Last words

Insecurity can be stressful and nerve-wracking. It makes it hard to believe that you deserve affection and love and can cause you to struggle in relationships. Untrusting the person you are with and your relationships may lead you to engage in unwholesome behaviors that could end up costing your relationship. It is important to take the time to comprehend your fears, share your feelings, and talk to your partner honestly about the feelings. You also can get a professional therapist's help.

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