A Narcissist Tried to Ruin My Life

That Psych Nerd

Through smear campaigns, manipulation, and deceit, they were never able to get me. 

I want to share the story of the narcissist that is in my life, the one I have spoken about plenty before. They have given me an endless supply of stories and lessons. Through these tough and challenging times, I want to share my story so others may understand. 

My narcissist was a family member, so I’ve had them in my life for many years (20 years to be exact). It wasn’t until this year that I realized the narcissist was capable of much more than we could have ever thought.

Through peeling back each layer, I am stuck assessing why the narcissist wasn’t more apparent in the first place. The conditioning that we go through when a narcissist wants something.

Throughout my time with the narcissist, I had minor instances that all came to a point.

Culmination of symptoms

From every crappy thing they have done, the narcissist has always impacted me. The thing is, I rarely saw this person — once a month, sometimes with years passing by, but the impact they left on me affected me far beyond what I can comprehend.

Throughout my time with the narcissist, I was accused of stealing money, stealing property, and overall seeking to cause them harm. 

There was always this steady control that was in play. I always needed to be sure that I was on my best behavior and who they wanted me to be. This meant I needed to stay quiet, out of their way, and never ever question them.

I was constantly afraid that my narcissist would make me pay for what I had done wrong. There was always a running theme that I had done some atrocity to them. 

But still, to this day, I don’t fully understand what I have done. There were so many made-up situations from the narcissist regarding me — all out to defame me. 

I wish I could explain to the narcissist that I haven’t done anything with malicious intent. Of course, this wouldn’t matter much. 

Over time, I developed this sense of needing to meet their expectations — and then exceed them. I needed to do this in order to stay on their good side. If I was always behaving so well and being obedient to their needs, how could I be on their based side? 

But, unfortunately, it seems my existence was enough of a reason to hate me.

Through all of the unfortunate things they put me through, I carried this on to our future relationships.

Long term effects

From the narcissist’s more recent bout of being a thorn in my rear — I discovered that there was a stronger hatred from them than I had thought.

The narcissistic behavior I endured affected my relationships and friendships — I always expect the worst out of people. I’m apprehensive about meeting new people because hell, what if they are exactly like my narcissist?

I do not want anyone to treat me like the narcissist treated me. I deserve so much better than I ever could have thought. I don’t need the same toxic energy in my life. 

I deserve to have freedom, not fear.

The narcissist pinned everyone against me in my family. There were many points throughout my life where I was targeted by family, all due to the narcissist. The narcissist would share a criticism, remark, or lie about me that my family needed to make sure I suffered consequences for. 

In the blink of an eye, I was the most hated in the family. Through time I earned their trust back, but it was always slipping away from some other issue. 

I later learned these bouts of torture were smear campaigns hard at work. The smear campaign was driven by the narcissist’s pure rage for me — as well as using me as a distraction from their own mistakes. 

Through all of this, I have understood myself better than I ever have before.

Understanding myself

Through all of this, I have found myself. I have discovered that I am stronger than I ever fully understood. I understand what a healthy relationship is like, what family should be like. 

I can grow from this and grow a family that is free from this negativity. 

Thanks to my narcissist, I am tough; I don’t take shit from anyone. 

I had to separate myself from the narcissist to gain clarity about my life. Through this all, I have learned to protect myself from a narcissist.

In all, I went through hell with this person. They controlled every part of my life. But I’m away from them, and I plan to keep it that way.

The abuse stops with me.

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Through this entire journey, I have learned many different lessons. Even though there are many things I wish I could’ve changed, I am grateful to be where I am. 

If you want to read more about narcissism, check out my master post on Medium, or check out my profile on NewsBreak to read more content! Happy reading!

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MS in Psychology | Mom of three cats and some house plants | #MentalHealthAdvocate #BeKind

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