Homer Simpson has said many things in the long-running TV series ‘The Simpsons’ that add up to a warped but hilarious life philosophy.
Homer is a funny dude. But is he wise? Not so much — except in an upside-down, Bizarro World kind of way. Here are 14 of his philosophical utterances that you probably should NOT emulate in living your own life.
“I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.”
When encountering a streak of bad luck, it’s understandable that you might begin to think that you’re destined to suffer nothing but defeat. However, no matter how bad things get for a while, your luck will turn around at some point. So hang in there until the tide turns in your favor.
“A gun is not a weapon; it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.”
While Homer is basically right about what can be considered a tool, you definitely should NOT try to use an alligator as a tool — unless you’ve got it exceptionally well trained.
3. Getting Out of Things
“Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.”
Please don’t make it a habit to try to weasel out of things. If you behave that way too often, it’ll ruin your reputation. Even a weasel would agree with that.
4. Dealing With Emergencies
“Operator! Give me the number for 911!”
Emergencies come up from time to time. Hopefully, you know the number to dial. But don’t abuse the 911 operators and emergency responders by calling in about trivial, non-emergency matters.
“If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?”
Well, that’s a pretty good question, I guess. But no matter how smart you may be, death will catch up with you eventually. So try to be as smart as you can while you’re alive.
6. Good Manners
“Marge, you know it’s rude to talk when my mouth is full.”
Homer has raised rudeness to a fine art. Your best bet is to always be good-mannered in all situations. It’ll serve you very well.
“Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.”
Not likely. The smart approach is NOT to do stupid things in the first place. Then you won’t have to worry about getting out of a mess your stupidity caused.
“Trying is the first step towards failure.”
In Homer’s world, this is often true. But in your world, while trying may fail at times, if you learn from your failure, success will eventually come your way.
“Oh yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?”
Taunting usually starts on the school playground, often done by classic bullies. Too often, these child bullies grow up to be bullies as adults. Obviously, it would help if you weren’t taunting anyone at any age. But it’s also important to learn how to deal with bullies effectively without resorting to violence.
“Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.”
Homer loves his wife and kids but has a strange way of showing it. To be a good parent, you need to make sure your family knows how much you love them and care about them through your behavior every day. And, yes, listening to what they have to say is a great habit to have.
“I wish God were alive to see this.”
Maybe Homer was looking for the Second Coming when he said this. Who knows? But for the religious among us, it’s heartening to believe that God IS “alive” and sees what we’re doing. So the safe bet is to be on our best behavior throughout our lives.
“Roads are just a suggestion, Marge, just like pants.”
I must say that I’m with Homer on this. My wife scolded me for not following road directions and getting us lost. But I took care of that when I started using Google Maps; the lady with a pleasant voice almost always gets me to the right place without a problem.
13. Human Ingenuity
“We can outsmart those dolphins. Don’t forget — we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, and the pudding cup.”
Homer’s right. We did invent all those things and lots more cool stuff. But I still think that dolphins are smarter than humans and often nicer.
“I’m like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?”
Homer definitely is a legend in his own mind. It’s okay to fantasize about doing something heroic that makes you famous. Actually, there are many true heroes out there doing their jobs on the “front lines” to keep all of us safe (e.g., first responders, firemen, medical staff, policemen, military personnel, etc.). But there are other ways you can be a hero. Just be the best husband, wife, parent, brother, sister, son, daughter, or friend you can be. You will be a hero in their minds, I’m sure.
Proceed With Caution
Okay, so there you have it — some of the things that make up Homer Simpson’s philosophy of life. Enjoy what he says for the laughter they bring you. But be very careful about emulating him. If you do, you’ll almost certainly end up saying, “D’oh”!