Do you think you’re broken or not normal because of past trauma or missteps you have taken? It’s not true because the reality is everyone is whole. What many call damaged are just the masks, labels, and armor that hide the authentic being underneath. So, what you project to others seems fragmented.
So, since you are already whole, self-love is about accepting all the different parts of yourself, positive and negative qualities. Look at yourself with compassion and know you are a work in progress, just like everyone else. And then recognize you can alter those parts of you that no longer serve you.
As a multi-faceted being who’s ever-changing and developing, learn to view your multiple dimensions with kindness and consideration of your growth. Self-love is more than just regarding your well-being or appreciation of your worth. It’s honoring and respecting your authentic self as the soulful and physical being you are.
Each person’s journey to rediscover their authentic self is about remembering who you are, seeing your wholeness, and accepting that you are worthy, just as you are. It’s letting go of the negative self-talk and forgiving yourself for being so judgmental.
On this sacred path of Radical Acceptance, rather than striving for perfection, we discover how to love ourselves into wholeness. ~ Tara Brach
Wholeness Comes Through Understanding
You show yourself compassion by understanding where the thoughts, behaviors, and feelings are coming from that affect your life. When you open the door to healing by analyzing your repeated patterns, negative thought forms, and destructive behaviors, then healing happens sooner.
This phase is usually where the ego steps in and allows shame to take over. The ego uses shame to convince you that you don’t belong, you aren’t whole, you’re unlovable, or that you would fail. This negative emotion keeps you stuck, isolated, and stagnate. But showing yourself compassion and forgiving yourself allows you to grow, connect, and transform.
Your patterns of thoughts and behaviors come from your upbringing. Those things your childlike self didn’t understand, was conditioned to believe, or conformed to because of others. So, your brain has been wired to react to things based on the past. Ways to cope, ways to deal with emotions, or to stuff them.
Now, as an adult, you need to reevaluate if the way you react to things is working or if you need to alter your responses. You do this by understanding that punishing yourself doesn’t change the behavior. Instead, you must accept yourself with compassion, forgive yourself for missteps, encourage better behaviors by setting clear boundaries.
See, your thoughts and feelings are not instructions on how to behave. They’re just information about the world around you. It’s your egoic mind that takes over and causes your reactions to those ideas and emotions instead of consciously choosing your response.
By working on forming a complete and harmonious undivided whole-self, we begin raising above the limited boundaries of our body ego and begin to regain our full individuality. ~ Heidi M Morrison
What Discovering Your Wholeness Gives You
When you begin your self-love journey, there will be many things you will learn about yourself that are astounding. Here are ten things you’ll realize about yourself.
1. You’ll see that you aren’t broken. See, you’ll stop relying on outside forces to complete you. Instead, you’ll realize the only place to find meaning is within yourself. As you do this, you’ll recognize you were never lacking, never broken. You don’t need someone else’s love to make you whole. You already are.
2. You recognize your own inner strength. It comes in surprising ways, like noticing the bounce in your step when you confidently enter a room. Or realizing how much you’ve already overcome in your life. It’s seeing how wonderful you truly are.
3. You notice how influential you are. Your importance is now seen by how you help others instead of how others can influence you. Now you’re focused on your authenticity and self-worth, so you are no longer searching outside yourself because you know the answers are within you and see your wholeness.
4. You know the love you need; you can give yourself. It’s natural to search for love from others. However, you are the full expression of love, and you can share it with yourself through self-care, compassion, and forgiveness. And when you learn to love yourself, all other relationships thrive.
5. You support yourself and your passions. When you know what is true for you, you value it. What you are interested in and how you can appreciate your thoughts and perspectives. You recognize what is important to you and why you passionately support these things in your life.
6. You stop compromising. When you know what you believe in and what you don’t, you can stand firm on your values. It’s possible to say no and set clear boundaries on what you don’t want to do. And you do this proudly and with self-assurance.
7. You learn to play again. You now start adding those things you love to do into your life. They are the things that light you up. Whether personally or professionally, those things you love to do improve your life in every way, and it’s not selfish to do them. And your relationships help encourage your dreams instead of distracting from them. You realize that play is part of your wholeness.
8. Your fears come to light. Yes, this process will help you discover what scares you, and you will learn to face them. Sometimes you will need the support of your tribe to help you through, but many of your fears you will be able to solve for yourself. Why? Because your wholeness will empower you to know when you need to ask for help, you will also understand what you can overcome.
9. You see how resilient you are. When you look at yourself and the life you’ve lived, you realize how strong you are. You’ll remember all the times you’ve struggled and been able to find solutions. As you recognize all you’ve already accomplished, you continue to be sure-footed even when new circumstances cause issues. Finally, you’ll remind yourself that this too will pass, and you’ll be able to get to the other side without a doubt.
10. Accept and love yourself as you are. You will value yourself for the strengths and weaknesses you have. You see how extraordinary your authentic self is and no longer want to hide it under masks and armor. Self-care practices are in place. Nurturing and caring for your body is routine. You celebrate your accomplishments. And when you take a misstep, your self-talk is kind and compassionate as you forgive yourself and look for ways to move forward.
We achieve true wholeness only by embracing our fragility and, sometimes, our failings. Wholeness is a natural radiance of love, and love demands we allow the destruction of our old self for the sake of the new. ~ Jalaja Bonheim
Moving Forward Whole
See, you’re not broken. But, if you accept you are, you are cutting yourself off from your true and limitless potential and admitting defeat. But you’re whole. And when you see that about yourself, you regain your power to deal with the past.
If you allow the egoic mind to stop you from thinking and feeling, you become depressed, anxious, and stuck. But if you pause, feel your emotions, think your thoughts, then breathe. You allow yourself to hear the whispers of your heart and consciously choose how you will respond to your life circumstances.
This choice is where true freedom lies. It’s your behavior that matters most because it’s what affects your future. Your wholeness is the freedom your soul seeks to be who you authentically are. It’s the perfect serenity within your being.
Those who love you are not fooled by your mistakes or the dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused. ~ Alan Cohen
As you become more mindful of your wholeness and become conscious about the choices you make, you can alter the trajectory of your life. Do you need help to realize your wholeness? Do you need support in learning to accept yourself as you are? Do you want a strategy to help you create an extraordinary life? If so, please get in touch with me, and we can put together an action plan for you to be authentically you and know you’re good enough. You are whole and worthy, just as you are.