Dating advice for men in the 21st century

Tara Blair Ball

Here are some tips you can follow to make you the best man for the woman you’re vying for.
Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

The last thing in the world you might want is a crazy woman, but what about if she was crazy for you?

That’s an entirely different scenario, right?

A woman crazy for you is going to chat you up to her friends, post about you on her social media accounts, and be in your corner or wherever else you might want her (😉).

She’s going to be yours, and not in a damsel-in-distress sort of way, in a she’s-going-to-put-a-ring-on-it sort of way.

It’s the 21st century, and dating is different. It’s no longer as much about proximity. Maybe you want to date a doctor, but how are you going to meet her? Linger outside a hospital hoping to catch the eye of one who isn’t already taken? (That doesn’t sound creepy at all…)

Since dating apps are so prevalent now, it means that the amazing available women you meet have just as many opportunities to meet other men. How are you going to get these women to be crazy for you when you’re not the only man vying for their attention?

Here are some tips you can follow to make you the best man for her.

1. Have a to-do list.

Organized guys get stuff done, and women are into that. The special lady who has caught your eye likely has goals and dreams for herself, and if she’s reaching for her dreams, so should you.

This is where having a to-do list comes in. Break down whatever your goal is into manageable steps.

Here’s an example:

GOAL: I want to be 250 pounds of pure The Rock™-inspired muscle.

Step 1: Follow a meal plan.

Step 2: Have a fitness schedule.

Step 3: Hire a personal trainer.etc. etc.

Your daily to-do list could be as simple as scheduling in your workout or planning your meals. Or it could be applying to school or that dream job, or working on your resume.

Real women don’t want a guy with a lot of potential with no action behind it. We want a guy who’s going for it.

2. Be willing to be flexible.

I dated a man who was so rigid about pursuing his goals that we rarely saw each other. He expected me to fit into his life, but he wasn’t willing to make any room for me.

When I ended things, he was heartbroken, but I’d been telling him for weeks that I’d made some concessions and he hadn’t, that I needed him to be flexible.

“We live only twenty minutes apart, but we are dating like we live states apart.”

“I’m super busy because these things are really important to me. Why can’t you see that?” he told me.

“I do! But if you have no time for me, then I’d rather be with someone who does.”

He reached out to me again months later to tell me I’d been right and that he’d made some changes, but I’d just started dating a guy who was goal-oriented and flexible, and I wasn’t about to give that up.

You should be uncompromising about seeking out your goals and dreams.

You should also be flexible about how you seek out those goals and dreams if you want to have someone special in your life.

When you write out your daily to-do list, don’t get stuck in thinking it should be the exact same every day. Try some new things, and if you get off track from your goals, talk with your special lady about how to get back on it.

Let’s say you still want to be at the gym at 5 every morning. Tell your lady you need to go to bed at a reasonable time and stick to it. She’ll appreciate that you’re spending time with her regardless if it means an early bedtime. You’ll also feel assured that you’re still pursuing one of your goals.

3. Get some self-awareness.

Self-awareness is a trait that is incredibly attractive. It means that you know who you are and why you do the things you do.

My best friend in high school was commitment phobic, yet he was always chasing “love.” How can a commitment phobic always be trying to get in another relationship? Because who we are attracted to, who we are choosing, says a lot about what we really want out of relationship.

Let’s say you continually pursue women who are emotionally unavailable for one reason or another. They are in a relationship or just got out of one. They’ve told you they aren’t sure they’re into dating right now, but you think they just haven’t “met the right guy” (aka you).

The easiest way to never have a long-term relationship is to constantly pursue people who will never have one with you.

It wasn’t until my friend got some self-awareness that he owned his own commitment issues and was able to work on them to have the relationship he has today with his wife.

When you start to see patterns over and over again in your life, whatever they are about, it’s time to ask yourself: what am I feeling? Why am I feeling this way? Why am I doing what I’m doing?

This leads into knowing yourself more truly, into knowing exactly what your strengths and areas for growth are, and into being the man you would want a woman to fall in love with.

4. Make her laugh.

Sense of humor is often one of the most desired traits in a romantic partner. How often a woman laughs at your jokes is an indicator of interest, and if you are both laughing, it’s an indicator that you are interested in one another.

I’m a funny gal and most of my friends are funny too, so we don’t particularly care if our date is funny, but we want to be laughing with them.

Even if you aren’t a funny guy, be open to trying to crack a few jokes while you’re out. Take things light-heartedly, poke a little fun at her or yourself. You don’t have to slay her, but you do need to show her that you don’t take yourself so seriously that you can’t crack a smile.

Work on being and becoming the best possible version of yourself. You’ll love you, and I bet a lucky lady will too.

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Certified Relationship Coach and Writer. E-mail:

Memphis, TN

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