6 Proven Ways to Tell She's Flirting With You

Tara Blair Ball

Women can be much more subtle than men, so here are 6 signs to look for.

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“I have no idea if a woman’s flirting with me or not.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this. From my Relationship Coaching clients. From friends. From men I’ve dated. From men whose arms I’ve had to grab and said, “Are you going to kiss me or not?”

In general, women aren’t as overt about their sexual interest as men.

Many of us are subtle, and there are some reasons for this.

While it’s 2020, it seems our romantic lives haven’t caught up yet. In studies, particularly around online dating, the majority of men and women still believe men should make the first move.

There’s still also still a lot of stigma around women being sexual beings, and of course, the dreaded fear of rejection.

If you pay attention, though, there are still some signs you can look for to help you sense whether a woman is flirting with you or not.

1. She’s touching you.

I’m a touchy person, so it’s important to note that not all touching is a sign of romantic interest.

It’s about the type of touch and if it’s out of the norm or not.

Let’s say you’re interested in a woman you work with who’s touchy-feely. Does she hug your other co-workers? Does she place her hand on their arms to emphasize points when she’s talking or while she’s laughing?

What you may think is sexual interest in you may actually just be how she is with everyone.

Romantic touches, though, would be if she touched your shoulder, middle of the back, or leg. She may also playfully shove you and giggle if you tease her. Again, pay attention to whether she does it with just you, or if she’s flirtatious by nature.

The next time a woman touches you, ask yourself, “Does this feel beyond what’s ‘normal?’ Is she doing this with just me?” If so, then it’s likely she’s flirting.

2. She’s looking at you directly.

If a woman isn’t interested in you, she won’t spend a lot of time (or any, if she can help it) looking directly in your eyes. Even if you’re talking to one another, she’ll likely keep moving her eyes around the room.

But if a woman looks at you when she’s not already conversing with you for longer than a brief period, she’s likely curious about you.

Intensely holding eye contact is actually one of the most commonly missed flirting signs. In one study, it was found that when two people held eye contact for an extended period of time, it increased their likelihood of falling in love.

It makes sense that we would hold eye contact longer with people we like.

If you make eye contact with a stranger multiple times in one setting, you better be ready to approach her.

3. Her voice changes.

The tone and speed of a woman’s voice may change when she’s talking to someone she’s interested in.

In one study, a woman’s voice was found to become more high-pitched when she was talking to a man she was interested in.

The next time you’re around a woman you like, pay attention to how she speaks to different people. She may speak to her friends or the cashier in a lower tone, while she may speak to someone she’s interested in (hopefully you!) in a higher tone and also quicker (if she’s nervous around you, she may speak faster).

If her voice sounds higher and she’s talking more quickly? She’s probably flirting with you.

4. She’s laughing and smiling at everything you’re saying.

If you were boring her or she wasn’t interested in you, it’s not likely a woman would be smiling or laughing much with you. She would actually likely spend most of her time looking around the room and not smiling much.

She could, though, be doing it out of politeness, so pay attention if it seems a bit over the top. Is she smiling and laughing at everything you’re saying like you’re hysterical?

If so, then she’s probably into you.

5. She’s showing you her hands.

A girl’s hands can tell you a lot surprisingly. Is she using them to emphasize what she’s saying, or are they crossed, covering her torso? Is she toying with her hair, curling strands around her fingers while you’re talking, or are they still in her lap?

If her hands are trying to grab your attention and not being used to “protect” her, it’s likely she’s interested.

6. She’s flirting with her body.

If you’re struggling with telling if she’s flirting with from all of the above, the next thing you can focus on is her body language.

People will naturally do two things when they’re interested in someone: mimic and “point” their body.

Try this the next time you’re talking to someone you’re into: subtly shift your body. Pull down your shoulders. Try to pop your neck. See if she copies you.

People tend to mirror the behaviors of people they’re attracted to. If she replicates your movement, she’s unconsciously showing interest. If she misses your cues, she’s not interested. 

So look at her feet. People “point” their body, and thus their feet, at what has their attention. Are her feet pointing at you? Then her heart might be too.

While you can’t assume that these tips will spell interest every single time, these can be helpful for you to figure out whether she may potentially be interested in you. Either way, more information doesn’t hurt! 

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Certified Relationship Coach and Writer. E-mail: tarablairball@gmail.com

Memphis, TN
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