Traits girls find attractive in guys

Tara Blair Ball

Hint: they have nothing to do with looks.
Photo by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash

No one would have ever looked at Robby and thought he was Chris Hemsworth or Ryan Gosling handsome. His body was more soft than ripped. He didn’t own a couple of private jets or know how to cook anything more than scrambled eggs, and he wasn’t even 5'8 with shoes on.

Regardless, when he touched my arm to get my attention at a party, my skin felt like it jumped to meet his, and I didn’t leave his side the rest of the night.

Attraction is so much more than looks for women. It doesn’t matter if you hit the gym or have a huge bank account. Women pay the most attention to certain personality traits. Robby was the perfect example because he was just a normal guy.

Not being the most attractive or having the best job doesn’t mean you can’t attract the kind of woman you want. Here are some things women specifically are more attracted to when they’re looking for a long-term relationship:

1. Approachability

Do you smile? Glance around? Look people in the eye? Strike up casual conversations?

It doesn’t matter how handsome you are: if you’re staring at the ground looking ticked off/angry, and ignoring everyone, no one is going to take a chance and chat you up. If you tried to chat them up, they may even be frightened.

Women are attracted to men they feel are approachable, so check your body language. Don't have your arms crossed in front of your chest or your shoulders all slumped forward. Relax and hold your arms at your side if you don't know where to put them. Smile instead of scowl. Keep your head up. Make eye contact. Mirror the other person or nod during conversations.

2. Selflessness

There’s a difference between selflessness and selfishness that not many people realize. If you’re doing something simply for the benefit of another, you’re being selfless. But if you’re doing something for another expecting something in return, then you’re being selfish. Seeing your every interaction in life as purely transactional is not a very attractive quality.

Do you hold open doors? Tell people “please” and “thank you?” Remember your server’s name? Listen attentively? Replace the toilet paper roll when you’ve used it all? And do you do all of that without getting resentful if you don't get something in return?

Women have to be selfless when they’re raising children, so, of course, they would want the same quality in a mate. Show her that you can be the right kind of father for her children by showing how generous you can be.

3. A sense of humor

You don’t have to be the funniest guy in the room, but you should at least try to ham it up a bit. For one, a good sense of humor is seen as a sign of intelligence. Further, as seen in this study, Dr. Hall found that when strangers meet, the more times a man tries to be funny and the more times a woman laughs at those attempts, the more likely it is she’s interested in him.

Do you watch popular stand-up shows? Can you laugh at yourself (but not too much. Being too self-depracating can be a turn-off for many women)? Can you tell a few jokes? Know that just trying to make her laugh is a good start, and give it a try. Life is tough and we all need a break from that. If you can offer her that, she’ll be hooked.

4. Respectful

It’s 2020. Consent and respect are hotter than a chiseled jawline and a mighty good beard. This woman in front of you that you think is super hot is just a human. Treat her with the same common decency that you would give your grandmother. I know that isn't a lovely analogy (because who wants to think about their grandmother when talking to a pretty lady?), but it needs to be said.

Don’t gawk at her boobs, say overtly sexual remarks, or send her a pee stick pic. Listen to her. Open doors for her or pull her seat out for her if she'd like that. Ask her her opinion and listen to her answer. Pay attention to her. Be thoughtful of her feelings. Honor her boundaries (both physical and otherwise). Practice thinking before speaking.

5. Risk-taking

Know why male strippers usually dress up as cops or firefighters? Because these men risk their lives to help others and women find that hot. But there are plenty of other ways to take risks without stopping a bank heist, pulling people from burning buildings, or otherwise putting yourself in physical/mortal danger.

Do you approach people just to chat or network? Are you not afraid to be vulnerable, especially emotionally vulnerable? Do you ask her out even if you're unsure whether you'll get rejected? Do you feel like it's okay to fail sometimes? Do you have a side-hustle? Have you started your own business? Do you jump out of planes or race cars in your free time? Explore ways to push out of your own comfort zone, and don’t be afraid to try something new.

Women want more than just a tight butt. We want kind respectful dudes who aren’t going to spend their free time being boring. Don’t worry as much about your abs or investing in stocks. Instead, make sure you're holding yourself in an option posture, learn another lame dad joke, and consider starting that side-hustle you've been putting off forever. You may be surprised how much attention you get once you change what you focus on!

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Tara Blair Ball is a Certified Relationship Coach and author of Grateful in Love: A Daily Gratitude Journal for Couples, A Couples Goals Journal, and Reclaim & Recover: Heal from Toxic Relationships with a 7-Step Guided Journal. She has a Master's from the University of Memphis and is accredited by CTAA. You can find her on Tiktok, Instagram, or YouTube at @tara.relationshipcoach.

Memphis, TN

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