How To Put Effort Into Your Relationships

Synthia Stark

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In relationships, the sparks of an emotional connection are enough to first keep it going. However, after a while, you need more than just that raw energy.

It’s easy to take our partners for granted, but sometimes, we just need to put in some active effort to ensure that things eventually change, especially if things start to spiral out of control.

I mean, our relationships are important investments and we need to do what we can for them. Like a job, you are committed, but unlike a job, you are madly still in love and you want to keep going because of that sheer love. Jobs come and go, and people do not.

Putting in the effort sounds a lot easier than done, but it’s possible to do the following things:

1. Prioritize Our Partners 

When we have partners, we need to spend more time thinking about them. Without doing this, we may forget some thoughtful gestures here and there. If you can:

  • Ask them what they are up to
  • Ask them to tell you a story
  • Send some sweet text messages 
  • Leave behind thoughtful trinkets 
  • Crack a joke and get them to smile 
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2. Make an Effort To Do Activities Together 

It sounds like common sense, but often, both parties are busy, whether it is the raising of kids or even just working a really crummy and busy job.

If you can, actually schedule some time together. It can be something to do look forward to, and kind of recreates the feelings that you have when you first started dating each other.

Plus, think of it this way: if we don’t see our partners enough, they won’t feel appreciated. Even setting up some time to work on a new recipe or new hobby isn’t too shabby.

We can’t expect things to magically change, so we have to be the catalyst for that change.

3. Listen In and Give Them Your Time 

Sometimes, our partners love gifts, but after a while, they sometimes lose their appeal. Instead, focus on listening to them.

Instead of trying to multitask and use the phone when your partner is talking, you can put the phone away and just focus on your partner. You can give them undivided attention.

I mean, time is a luxury, and our relationships are important investments, so balancing the two is really important. Plus, even if you don’t say much, the partner will likely appreciate your thoughtfulness and give you the same courtesy. 

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4. Talk Away

Sometimes, when there is tension in the room — you need to address it explicitly. Perhaps you are thinking one thing and the partner is thinking of a different thing entirely and it causes all this misinformation.

You grow to resent each other all because of some silly misunderstanding. 

Instead, talk it out. Maybe schedule a time if you need to, to help you mentally prepare for what you will say. Perhaps you will mention that you are struggling with someone and need some help.

Good partners will stick by you, and you can also:

  • Stimulate their critical thinking skills
  • Be a voice of reason
  • Validate their fears 
  • Be the shoulder that they could cry on

5. Remind Them That You Love Them 

Some couples overuse this. Other couples don’t. In reality, sometimes it just takes a simple statement to keep your partner happy. For example, people like to be appreciated and valued, even if it’s just a simple compliment.

The key is to be consistent here. Don’t use these kinds of statements right before a favor is needed, because then, a partner will assume you are buttering up to them. 

Instead, just at random times, let your partner know that you:

  • Love them
  • Appreciate them
  • Miss their hair, ears, eyes, and nose
  • Love their wit
  • Love their humor

You can be creative in what you want to say, but as mentioned earlier, keep it consistent, and hopefully, in due time, your partner will also continue to appreciate you. 

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Writer & Researcher | Therapist-in-Training | Crisis Responder | Writing wholesome stories for the masses.

New York City, NY
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