5 Ways to Show Confidence in Relationships

Synthia Stark

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It’s good to have really healthy self-esteem, especially when you are in a relationship. Whether it is from personal experience, or living through the stories of others, self-esteem can often cause many problems in relationships.

Self-esteem isn’t something that we often think about, but it’s something that is important to consider. Like a plant, we can grow our self-esteem and influence the plant beside us, such as our partner.

When you have low self-esteem, you end up holding yourself with a low personal regard. The partner is going to see this low energy, and the partner might either get confused that you don’t have a backbone, possibly drained by the lack of energy, or they may even take advantage of you…even if they are initially nice people.

At first, the partner will more than compensate for your lack of self-esteem, but as the years go by, they might get increasingly tired, carrying this extra load. When you’re in a relationship, you have to work together. That means carrying the loads together, through sickness and in health.

By allowing your self-esteem to be in terrible shape, they are now carrying an extra burden while you sit in the corner. Alternatively, if your partner is vile, perhaps they will compensate by doing things for you but eventually the power differential shifts where they end up being too domineering and aggressive. 

And now, they are no longer the person that you once knew. 

Now, it’s not your fault if your partner acted terribly. However, most people need to surround themselves with other people who also have good self-esteem, in order to keep their energies high too. Just as you need a great partner, your partner needs the best version of you.

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If we don’t feel good about ourselves, then how are we to truly believe that others feel the same towards us? This means loving and accepting yourself, including your faults, and being open to positive change.

Plus, if you have low esteem, your standards may drop and you find yourself stuck with a person that you don’t like. It’s okay to have standards, and it’s okay to seek people to support us. It’s just not okay to just accept any old help, because not everyone is the same. 

When we have low self-worth, we are trapped and stuck in bad situations. Perhaps it might cause us to undermine our values, and it causes our partners to rethink the arrangement with you.

Self-esteem is not just simply hugging and kissing your partner and wishing for the bad feelings to go away. It’s also not just saying that you love yourself. It’s a long process, and while it’s annoying to have a long process, the effort is worth it.

You are worth it.

Yes, even you. 

Even if you’re someone who is not used to being loved, you are worth every penny you invest.

I mean, this is your health we are talking about. If we have good self-esteem, then we can correctly identify what we need to make our relationships work.

1. Confident People Don’t Overanalyze

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If you have a high-self-esteem you don’t just take things at face value, but you also don’t spend time thinking about something over and over.

You know you are worthy of love, so you are not going to question it. Every person in this world is worthy of love, even your coworker or friend who is a jerk.

I mean, we are human.

It’s okay to be stressed and anxious when others are unclear. When in doubt, just let the other party know. They are not mind-readers. They need to know if something is bothering them, even if it is written on a sticky note.

2. Confident People Move On 

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It’s not easy to do but sometimes, the other person in the relationship is secretly evil. No matter what you do, it’s never good enough. These people are not worth our time. You already put in so much effort based on what you best knew. 

It’s doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. In fact, you did the best that you could. Plus, perhaps out of this bad circumstance, you will find someone much better.

For now, just take things easy. Keep it steady. It seems like the end of the world, but there’s likely someone appreciative of you. Perhaps a temporary break will give you a new perspective on life. Maybe you will pick up a new hobby and that old flame will come running.

If not, maybe you find a new face while pursuing new hobbies.

3. Confident People Set Boundaries 

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It’s good to have boundaries. They are also not rigid like fortresses. They are more permeable, kind of a sponge. I mean, stuff happens, so we can adjust our boundaries, especially if there are mitigating circumstances in your life.

However, confident people try to stick to their boundaries as often as they can. If you have no boundaries, then people will take advantage of you. Even if it’s a small advantage that they take on you, it might escalate and get worse until it snowballs into a big thing.

The next thing you know, you’ll be stuck in a big situation where your partner wonders why you didn’t say something earlier. It’s hard to go back on what we say, so sometimes we have to layout rules for our sanity. 

Don’t let others guilt you into doing something that you don’t like. 

There’s maybe a reason why you don’t like the thing and if they are a respectful partner, they will appreciate your boundaries. Plus, on your own terms, you can learn to compromise, but only when it doesn’t harm you or anyone else. 

Just make sure that you don’t lose yourself in the process.

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4. Confident People Trust Themselves

It’s good to trust yourself. If you can’t — then how are others supposed to rely on you? A relationship involves two parties, and there’s a lot of trust needed here between the two of you.

If you can make the right choices, you are set to go. Maybe you can write out your choices and go over the pros and cons. It sounds silly, but maybe that’s what you need to do.

If a decision like a life-long consequence, then it’s okay to map it out. Type it on your phone. Write it in Excel. Whatever you do, just make sure you can make reliable decisions and trust your gut.

Your gut might be telling you something important, such as something to watch out for.

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If you trust your gut, then maybe you will be equipped to deal with problems as they come along. It’s easy to feel conflicted and be afraid of failure. Failure is part of the learning process.

If you learn, then you can grow, and then you can become wise. Don’t let it bother you. Just go with the flow, trust your gut, and maybe write it out if you don’t trust your gut 100%.

5. Confident People Don’t One-Up Others

If you’re confident, you don’t have to tell others that you are amazing nor do you have to be in competition with others. You’re not obligated to. Others can tell just by being with you. Maybe they will find you radiating and refreshing to talk to.

If you are confident, you can make up for most shortcomings, and use that knowledge to be the strongest version of yourself, both mentally and physically.

You are worthy, I can promise you that. 

Each person has the same value and worth as others. Plus, you know that in due time, people will realize how great you are.

You don’t have to blast your confidence to the mountaintops. You just need to be you and go with the flow. You are not a product, so there’s no need to make specifications of your benefits. Your partner will see your benefits in your actions, your words, your ideologies, and even your beliefs. 

Overall, when it comes to relationships — just keep it classy, assert boundaries, and trust yourself. That confidence will exude out of you in no time. 

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Writer & Researcher | Therapist-in-Training | Crisis Responder | Writing wholesome stories for the masses.

New York City, NY
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