Last year, I had to deal with many unanticipated losses. I was totally in a black hole. I was trying to be more optimistic, but as soon as my energy was positive, something else would happen. When it rained, it poured. I was robbed of my savings, then my dad passed away, and my family believed I was a criminal and kicked me out of the home before the funeral. These were some of the darkest moments of my life, but I realized what was going on. I also saw what I was being prepared for, my destiny. Many of us go through these events, allowing them to make us depressed and negative. This is where the observer’s point of view came in. I saw every circumstance I was dealing with as a lesson, a stepping stone to the next phase of my life. I knew things were going to change for me for the better, and I had to keep going. I had to keep reaching for the stars because, at some point, everything would turn around, and the people that mobbed against me would see their mistake. I didn’t want to keep going because of other people’s opinions; I wanted to keep going for myself. I believed in myself and what I could achieve.
Feeling is healing
I was grieving after every loss—and I consider myself to be a strong person. We can feel emotions, and that is okay because feeling is how they are released from our bodies. We should move on from our emotions eventually and control them. I thought I could control my emotions, but I couldn’t. I was on this journey alone. The only thing I could do was to feel them. I didn’t exactly have anyone to cry to at the time, but this is what makes a leader good at what they do. They can feel their circumstances, but they don’t allow them to control who they are. I could feel the pain, and I would convert that into fuel that allowed me to keep reaching for my goals, despite what was going on around me. This mindset allowed me not to drown in my emotions but grow from them. Understanding that some things that happen in our life are out of our control, but we can control our outlook and future. For example, the pain from my dad’s loss was devastating because it was so sudden and my dad was healthy. However, I used that to really step into my power. My dad was not a backup plan. I was completely capable of achieving everything on my own. Many people misunderstood me on my path, but that was okay because I didn’t need to prove anything to anyone. I had to keep going and understand this was a brand-new start for me.
When you can see the bigger picture of your life and purpose, everything makes sense. This is why I kept going because I knew in my heart that eventually, I was going to win and get everything that I always dreamed of. I wanted to make an impact and help others. I know that the difficult times in my life had prepared me for this. They prepared me to conquer my goals. All the adversity, losses, and misunderstandings were actually getting played in my favor to strengthen who I was. We go through many losses, and when we get caught up in the negative, it doesn’t help us evolve. The goal is to fill the void of the loss by healing from it, accepting it for what it is, and allowing it to contribute to your bigger purpose in life. I knew my mission in life was to help people, and no matter what happened or what I was going through, that is what it was leading me to. Many people in my life had hated me simply because they had their own narrative of me. It wasn’t exactly true, but it was how they perceived me. Perception can completely change based on your experiences. No one had to go through the difficulties I did; therefore, I didn’t expect them to have compassion toward my journey.
Keep going for your goals
I know it is tough, but loss is what separates successful people from ordinary people. Everyone faces different losses, but some people never evolve from their losses and get stuck in the same negative thought patterns. I never let losses or others define my character or change me. I did become more vigilant about who I let in my circle, simply because you never know what people’s intentions are and how fast they can change from being nice to being against you. Everyone will be nice until they have received what they want from you. This is why I have never allowed people to change me or my attitude. I always kept my focus on my goals. No matter how I was treated, I didn’t wish ill on anyone because we each have our stories and everyone is entitled to their opinions. These opinions don’t have to impact you in any way; you are your own person. Over the years, I realized that you don’t have to allow anyone to validate you because you know yourself best.