Dating Prospects Fizzle When Desperate

Stacy Ann
Owen Michael Grech/Unsplash

My friend was ready for a relationship and she was determined to find someone so that she could get married and have children. She downloaded multiple dating apps and began swiping.

There were hundreds of first dates and many of them weren’t a good match but sometimes the sparks would fly. After those dates, my friend would begin fantasizing about her future with the lucky individual… until they lost interest a month or two later.

Time and time again this happened until she finally wondered what was going on and realized that some of her own expectations and behaviors might be influencing what has happened in her dating life.

There are multiple reasons why people lose interest. In my friend’s case, she wanted a relationship so badly I believe that it often would scare off her dates.

Here are four reasons that your potential love interest… could lose interest.

#1. You care so much it reeks of desperation

I have kept a diary from the age of seven. When I reflect back on my younger years, it appears that all I cared about was having a boyfriend.

There was one boy that I believed to be my soulmate. Our families were close and I spent around ten years crushing on someone who had absolutely no interest in dating me.

When I finally confessed my feelings to him around the age of fourteen he screamed to the heavens that it was obvious and everyone knew. Basically, my desperation was so obvious that everyone knew I had a crush on him.

Yet even after that obvious rejection, I spent about four more years pining after the boy who would never be mine… what a waste of time.

#2. Your confidence is in the gutter

When I broke up with my high school sweetheart in my second semester of college I wasn’t too heartbroken because I assumed I would meet a ton of college guys.

The reality is that no one was interested in dating me because I had absolutely no self-confidence.

At the time, I blamed the lack of dating prospects on my hair which I had tried to dye purple but ended up being a faded green. However, when I look back it had nothing to do with my hair.

I was completely lost after my break-up and everyone in the dating pool seemed to be able to spot my insecurities.

#3. The timing was terrible

When I moved to a new city a few years ago, I decided to try out some dating apps. I went on around a dozen first dates but there was only one guy that really captured my attention.

He was smart, funny, handsome, and was honestly everything I was looking for except for one small problem.

He had recently gotten divorced from his childhood sweetheart. I knew instantly that he wasn’t looking for anything serious, yet I still managed to get my feelings hurt when he ghosted me.

The reality is that not only was he not ready for a relationship but even if he “said” he was it likely wouldn’t have been the truth. He needed time to heal from his marriage and I shouldn’t have pursued someone knowing full well that I was a rebound.

#4. You spend too much time with them

A guy asked me out while I was in line to order a bagel and we ended up dating for several months. Within a couple of weeks, he wanted to spend every evening and every lunch together. If I mentioned needing some time with my friends he would cheerfully invite himself everywhere I went.

I began to feel trapped and smothered and also frustrated because I literally didn’t have a moment when he wasn’t there. I started pulling away and then things fizzled out as quickly as they had begun.

It can be tempting to want to spend every moment with a dating prospect but it’s important to resist the urge. Having time apart is essential to realize that you miss/enjoy the person that you’re hanging out with. Oh, and in case you’re wondering what happened with my friend, that story has a happy ending.

She started being more choosy about who she dated and made more time for herself. If she went on a date during the week that was great, but if not she didn’t sweat it. The apps and potential matches weren’t going anywhere.

After a few months, she met a great guy and by then she didn’t have expectations — she just wanted to have fun and get to know him at a normal pace. Several months ago he took her ice skating and proposed with a photographer hidden in the bushes to capture their special moment.

As cliche as it is, the moment she stopped working so hard to find a relationship is when she swiped and got the right match.


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I am a writer & relationship consultant that primarily deals with narcissism, overcoming abuse & trauma, and self-love. Contact me @ Blog: Instagram: carrie_wynnmusings


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