Opinion: Stopped Spilling Every Detail About Your Relationship

Stacy Ann

Photo byDaniel Foster/Unsplash

My husband is a very private person.

He is cautious regarding what he shares with others, including his closest friends and family.

I am the complete opposite. I have been an open book, especially with my close friends.

Relationships are a huge part of our lives, and inevitably the topic will come up in conversation. However, although talking about what’s going on in your love life can be therapeutic, it is straightforward to overshare. Crossing the line and sharing something too personal can hurt our partners.

Practicing boundaries is crucial to prevent relationship oversharing. Here are some things I keep in mind regarding what I share with others about my love life.

Ask yourself how your partner would feel about what you are sharing.

One of my primary rules for speaking about my relationship is to refrain from bringing up my partner’s “flaws.”

Inevitably, everyone has unique traits that can be very annoying to their partner. Moments may arise where you feel so frustrated with your partner’s quirks that you are tempted to unload all of your feelings to your friends.

Before giving in to the temptation to rant, take a moment and pause to think about the consequences. Trashing your relationship with your friends and expecting their approval of your partner is incredibly unrealistic.

Remember that you have little quirks and that (hopefully) your partner isn’t complaining to their friends about you.

Remind yourself that every single person has a different opinion.

The qualities you’re looking for in a partner could be completely different from what your best friend seeks in a long-term relationship.

What looks “boring” to one couple can be what another couple loves. One couple may prefer to spend a Saturday night out on the town dancing, while another wants a cozy night indoors while trying a new recipe. The point is that everyone is different, and no one couple is the same.

Outside observers will always put their noses where they don’t belong, telling you how to navigate your relationship. Take it with a grain of salt because they are not walking in your shoes.

It’s easy to compare our lives to others.

I’ve often looked at glamorous couples on social media and assumed that their lives are perfect, they never fight, and they’re always happy.

Everyone is on a different journey. What we see in a picture doesn’t reflect the reality of a relationship. I’ve observed plenty of couples post a picture of them looking perfect and happy one week and been notified of them getting divorced a month later.

It’s easy to feel like you’re “Keeping up with the Joneses,” so when you compare your relationship, take a step back.

Ask yourself, what makes the two of you happy? What goals do you want to create together? Determine what jives with the two of you, not what you see portrayed somewhere else.

People don’t necessarily want you to be happy.

Initially, my fiance’ and I was just friends/coworkers.

Shortly after joining our company, we began having lunch with another girl, and we all became friends. We managed to stay friends for a few weeks until my partner and I developed feelings for each other. My “friend” was furious when we started dating. She told me that we were a terrible match, that things wouldn’t work between us, and I would end up heartbroken.

If I had listened to her advice instead of trusting myself, I wouldn’t be in the happiest relationship of my entire life.

Some people simply are not looking out for your best interests, and oversharing with them could ruin your otherwise happy relationship.

Keep it at the forefront of your mind that the only people who will ever truly know your relationship inside and out… are you and your partner.

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I am a writer & relationship consultant here to help you navigate the waters.


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