Opinion: Anonymous Victims Provide Personal Examples of Narcissistic Gaslighting

Stacy Ann

https://img.particlenews.com/image.php?url=3XZyGE_0jWJCMnn00
Photo bypure julia/Unsplash

For the last few years, I have been coaching victims that have gone through psychological and narcissistic abuse.

Every victim stated that their abuser was gaslighting them throughout the relationship, leaving them with no sense of self and completely doubting their own sense of reality.

A few months ago, I asked some of my clients if they would mind if I anonymously shared their examples of gaslighting.

Their experiences are as follows and truly depict the damage that gaslighting can inflict on our reality and sense of self.

“He claimed that he contributed financially when I paid for everything.”

Years ago, I was in a relationship with a man who made much more money than I did. Although that was the case, I found myself paying for everything. At first, I honestly didn’t notice as I was so caught up in the honeymoon stage with him. However, as time went on, I realized that he was extremely stingy and didn’t contribute to anything. As frustration built, I finally confronted him, and he denied that was the case and made it out that I was ungrateful and lying. My frustration grew to the point where I began writing down every transaction. Then, when he tried to say again that I was lying and crazy, I threw the piece of paper at him that had every single thing that I had ever paid for him on it. A sheepish look came on his face, and he tried to change the subject.

“I knew she was cheating, but she tried to make it seem like I was the unfaithful one.”

For the last six months of our marriage, I suspected my wife was seeing other men. She was incredibly distant and continually said that I was jealous and insane if I asked her who she had talked to on the phone or who she had gotten dinner with. Eventually, I stopped asking because I didn’t want to know the answer. The invalidation of my experiences and feelings caused me to feel like maybe I was the crazy one. It wasn’t until a mutual friend showed me photos of my wife on a date with another man, kissing him, that I realized I hadn’t been crazy at all. When I confronted her, she immediately said that I had been listening to our “crazy” mutual friend and then shifted the blame and said I wasn’t making her happy, so, “What else was she supposed to do?”

“He made little digs at my appearance all the time and shattered my once high self-confidence.”

When we first started dating, my boyfriend made me feel like a princess and complimented every aspect of my looks, down to my fingers and toes. As time passed, the flattery faded, and it was replaced with small criticisms. My clothes weren’t the right style; I should wax every part of my body and lose a few pounds… the list was endless. It wasn’t until a mutual friend asked what he liked about me and he was completely silent that I realized it had all been a facade. He hadn’t like what I looked like or who I was; he liked what I had to offer. I walked away from the relationship, but the years of gaslighting me into believing that I was unattractive left my confidence at an all-time low.

“I was informed that I was completely overreacting about my friend’s death.”

Throughout my teenage and young adult years, I had a close childhood friend that had struggled with addiction for most of his life. One day I received a call that my friend had taken his own life. Although we hadn’t been as close as when we were younger, he was someone that I truly loved, and it was heartbreaking. When I told my boyfriend, who was psychologically abusive, he was completely void of any emotion. I remember him shrugging and saying, “How is that a surprise? He was a mess.” When I broke down crying a few days later and said I was still mourning my friend, he snapped and said that I was overreacting and needed to get over it.

It is important to note that gaslighting is usually used in tandem with positive reinforcement.

When non-victims of invalidation and psychological abuse hear these types of stories, they often wonder why someone would stay in such a toxic situation.

Manipulators know that if they were only to put their victim down, the victim would eventually leave because they would be getting nothing out of the relationship. So, to ensure that they keep the victim on the hook, they sprinkle little love kernels of charm and loving behavior into the gaslighting cycle.

The hope for a glimpse of that loving partner that was present in the beginning is often enough to keep the hope of change alive in the victim's minds and hearts.

Gaslighting is a weapon and it is used in the hopes of making someone vulnerable to another person’s control.

My hope is that the examples above will help you identify if gaslighting is present in any of your relationships, either with romantic partners, family, or friends.

Manipulation and gaslighting are not forms of love, and anyone that wants to try controlling and altering your sense of reality is not looking out for your best interests.

Sources:

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/gaslighting

This is original content from NewsBreak’s Creator Program. Join today to publish and share your own content.

Comments / 2

Published by

I am a writer & relationship consultant here to help you navigate the waters.

43K followers

More from Stacy Ann

Joe Jonas Has A Track Record Of Disrespecting The Women In His Life

If you jump on any social media outlet, you will quickly see the news that is top of the celebrity gossip news. Joe Jonas and Sophie Tucker are splitting, and the world is shocked as the seemingly happy couple welcomed several children into their lives and have only been married for a few years. What is more shocking is the smear campaign that Joe began running with the publicity team that painted Sophie as an absent mother and him as the perfect father. But why are we surprised by how Joe is reacting? Our society loves to paint a narrative around the working mother who should apparently only be devoted to her and her children alone. However, the behavior is entirely on brand for the famous singer. After all, Joe has a track record of disrespecting the women he dated. He broke up with Taylor Swift over a voice message. Imagine experiencing one of your first loves, assuming everything is going great, and then you check your phone message and realize you are being dumped. That happened to Taylor when Joe ended things with her with a 27-second voicemail, which she revealed on the Ellen Showon the Ellen Show over a decade ago. I’m sure that we can all agree that breakups typically deserve an in-person conversation, and that doesn’t mean over the phone is cowardly, to say the very least. Years later, Taylor admitted that her call-out of Joe had been a bit much, but he never publicly apologized and painted a narrative that he had been the hurt party and was grateful when she apologized. This is coming from the man who… Candidly shared the story of how he lost his virginity without any regard for his ex’s feelings.People magazine ran the following story saying that Joe had a funny story about the first time he was intimate with his long-term girlfriend at the time, Ashley Greene. “I didn’t have any condoms,” Joe explained. “So I went to our drummer Jack’s room — who was my roommate at the time — and I demolished his room looking for them. [I] found them underneath his underwear drawer. When he came home, he thought somebody broke into his room because his whole room was demolished.” Reading this doesn’t come across as funny. If I were in a long-term relationship with someone and they told the story of us losing our virginity to the world in such detail, I would respond with the same message that Ashley did. which was to state on her Instagram page that "class is timeless."

Read full story

Comments / 0