Opinion: A Narcissist Will Fake Change Temporarily

Stacy Ann

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Perhaps you were the one who discarded the narcissist, or they were the one to discard you.

Regardless of who initially ended things, now the narcissist has returned and is begging for you to return to them. There are promises that things will be different this time and that they will never hurt you again as they did in the past.

Although you try not to believe them, there is a little voice in the back of your mind quietly saying, “what if things are different this time?”

If you ask that question and wonder if you should take them back, you are not alone. Many victims of narcissistic abuse attempt to leave numerous times before they can entirely break free from their manipulator.

Today, I want to help you silence the question of whether you should return to the narcissist with some reminders of why they haven’t changed.

#1. The abuse will begin again regardless of their promises

When I took the narcissist back for the first and only time, I thought that the abuse was over and he had indeed changed.

Within a few days, I caught him in a lie. A week later, he began invalidating my feelings about a family member that had passed. It quickly became clear that the gaslighting, abuse and manipulation had temporarily stopped to ensure that I fell back into the narcissist’s clutches.

I had arrived right back where I had started. Instead of a new beginning, I had returned to the cycle of abuse, and if I hadn’t left shortly after my realization, I might never have broken free of my hell.

#2. The right person won’t have to lose you to “love” you

When the relationship ends (especially if you are the one to initiate it), the narcissist will claim that they love you. They will lay it on thick, and there will be moments when you begin to doubt if things were true, “that bad.”

I experienced extreme doubt when I left the narcissist for the first time. Within a few days, I questioned whether things had been that terrible, especially when I went to get my stuff at his apartment, and he seemed so sweet and humble. Yet the moment that I let the narcissist back in, the old behavior began to arise, and I realized that I most certainly had not been making things up in my head.

His adamant claims of adoration fell flat, and I realized that the right person wouldn’t have to lose me to realize that they “loved me.”

#3. They are trying to get you back because they lack a current source of supply

During a trip with my best friend, I gathered the strength to return home and end my relationship with the narcissist. Unfortunately, my resolve didn’t last.

A few weeks after I broke up with him, the narcissist swooped back in, hoovering and promising that things would be different. It was apparent shortly after that he was talking to numerous other women. Within a few days of us “being together again,” he was discarding me.

The moment that he had someone else, I was once again disposable. Almost a year later, he tried to creep back in (his new conquest likely wised up to his tactics), and this time around, I immediately blocked his number.

Now is your moment to finally break free.

At the moment, it will be so incredibly tempting to accept the narcissist back. Even though I knew better, I fell for it in the past and instantly realized that I had made a grave mistake.

There were reasons why you stayed. The love-bombing and trauma bond is a strong force, and pulling yourself out is one, if not the most, challenging thing you will ever do. However, it is entirely possible, and you can do it on the first try.

Learn from my mistakes and other victims of narcissistic abuse who share their stories in the hope of empowering and educating others.

Believe the actual colors you have seen, and know that no one will magically change after they have mistreated you.

Walk away from the Narcissist, reclaim your life, and never look back.

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