Opinion: Suicidal Threats Are Common When Dating A Narcissist

Stacy Ann

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You’ve finally gathered up the courage to leave your abusive partner. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s not going to be as simple as just breaking up with them. It usually takes someone seven times before they leave an abusive partner for good, and it’s never going to be easy.

When the narcissist realizes that you’re done with their tricks and manipulation…they’re not going to be happy. After all, they don’t want to lose the puppet that they’ve been controlling and who will do anything for them. They may pull out their final card trick and in many cases, this can even be threatening suicide if you make the decision to leave them.

In some cases, these are idle threats. In other cases, they are not. There is absolutely no way for you to know beyond a shadow of a doubt if they are serious about following through.

It’s only going to get worse, and the narcissist knows that if they’re losing you they will pull out all the stops.

There are some things you need to keep in mind if these threats are rising to the surface.

In cases where a suicide threat is part of an abuser’s manipulation, it is not your fault or responsibility.

They want you to feel helpless. They want you to be by their side, and they don’t want you to leave. What better way to guilt you into staying than saying that they’re going to end their life?

It is not your job to save someone. It is not your job to be someone’s crutch. You are not to blame if someone decides to take their life. You can be supportive, you can try to provide the resources for help, but at the end of the day, it’s their decision. You are under no obligation to stay in a relationship that isn’t healthy and doesn’t serve you because you feel like you owe it to someone.

Substance use or abuse will affect their mood.

I remember sitting in the car when my ex told me how he wanted to blow his brains out. He grabbed my hand and held it against his temple while he screamed that he just wanted to die.

I sobbed hysterically as my heart broke into a million pieces. I had no idea what to do, and it’s an image I still see clearly and most likely will never get out of my head.

The next morning, I confronted him about his behavior the night before. He said he didn’t remember any of it. He was quiet and seemed sad but that could have been an act. He said that he had been completely blacked out from drinking…but he didn’t seem to be at the time.

I found out later that he was abusing drugs as well. He would be up on top of the world and then would lie in bed the next day. Most of his money was going toward his ever-growing cocaine habit. It resulted in the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

There is no way to know if their pain is real.

It was my ex’s birthday. The night started out fine and after a few drinks, he began to have a complete breakdown. He moaned about how he had nothing, no money, no career, no purpose, and that he couldn’t even scrounge up enough change to buy a pack of cigarettes.

One of his friends mentioned that he had me, and without a beat he responded with “I have nothing, she doesn’t matter.” I believe that even in the moments of perceived vulnerability and pain…it is all about them.

He was surrounded by people who cared about him, and he had no excuse for where his life had landed. He had been offered support, every opportunity to succeed, and unconditional love — yet, instead of those things being cherished, they had been taken, discarded, and used.

In the end, love isn’t controlling someone.

Threatening to take their own life is yet another way for a narcissist to strip you of your power and make you feel helpless. You’re going to feel like you have to stay. You’re going to feel like if you leave now the guilt will eat you alive.

I know of cases where this threat held no weight, and where it did. But you are not responsible for someone else’s life. At the end of the day you have to protect yourself, and you cannot allow yourself to be tormented by an outcome you ultimately don’t control.

Someone who loves you will not try to hurt you with their words and threats. They will not make you responsible for their well-being, and they will not try to control you like a puppet hanging from their strings.

Suicide is a very real aspect of domestic violence.

A note from the publisher: Just because someone is threatening suicide does not mean that they are the primary aggressor in an abusive relationship. Many victims of domestic violence, especially those who suffer from mental health conditions additionally, may become suicidal themselves as a last resort from unresolved conflict and feelings of hopelessness, entrapment, and pain. This is often a cry out for help, in attempts to take back power and control of the situation.

The involvement, especially of firearms, is dangerous, especially in regard to domestic violence. Suicide threats should NEVER be simply dismissed as a game, even if you suspect empty threats, as murder-suicides are one of the primary ways that abusers kill their victims and themselves.

89–95% of murder-suicides were by males from 2011–2017. 65% percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner. Of these, 96% were females killed. 94% of those events involved a gun. 91% of all homicides are committed by males. — Violence Policy Center

If someone you know is threatening suicide, has a plan, or has the immediate means to harm themselves, please call the police and seek help for this person. We as ordinary individuals are NOT trained to handle people who are suicidal, and regardless of whether or not that person is being abusive or not, authorities should be involved in this case to prevent violence or death.

Sources:

https://vpc.org/studies/amroul2018.pdf

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I am a writer & relationship consultant that primarily deals with narcissism, overcoming abuse & trauma, and self-love. Contact me @ Blog: carriewynn.com Instagram: carrie_wynnmusings

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