Opinion: Avoid Falling Into Toxic Behaviors Post-Breakup

Stacy Ann

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Throughout our lives, many of us have watched movies that portray how our heroine or hero has reacted after going through a massive breakup.

Whether it’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt in 500 Days of Summer hating the world and walking around in a fog for months after she leaves, or Renee Zellweger getting wasted as Bridget Jones and singing at the top of her lungs, we have witnessed behavior that is portrayed as normal reactions to a breakup.

Grieving is completely natural and the loss of a relationship is one if not the most painful feelings we will experience in our lives.

I’ve had my share of break-ups over the years and I’ve learned that engaging in some behaviors is going to make me feel worse instead of better in the long run.

If you don’t want to end up hurting yourself more, I suggest you don’t do the following things.

Sleep with his friends

It seems like a great idea and who doesn’t want to get revenge on their ex, especially if they did the dumping?

It’s not a great idea and you’re going to end up shooting yourself in the foot. You’re going to be sad and lonely and probably will develop feelings for whatever friend you decide to pursue. If the friend decides to pursue you, you will end up hurting your ex’s relationship with his friend and make yourself look terrible.

This will ultimately most likely result in more people getting hurt or you ending up in another relationship when you aren’t ready to date again.

Resist. The. Urge.

Drink yourself to death

The memories aren’t going to fade forever when you go out and get completely annihilated.

After waking up the next morning you’ll likely look back at the night before with horror and also you’re just going to be left with the mother of all hangovers.

It’s a temporary fix to something that isn’t going to go away. Don’t end up crying and puking in a bar toilet surrounded by strangers. Work through the pain and accept that it’s okay to be hurting temporarily.

Jump into another relationship

I have been 100% guilty of this one more thing than I can count. I would be going through a breakup and immediately begin talking to someone new and starting a relationship.

It helped temporarily but none of those relationships ever worked out because I was either still or mess or didn’t even like them that much.

Jumping into another relationship leaves you no time to grieve, heal, or work on yourself. Everyone needs time and waiting to pursue love again is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Stalk their social media

What does it matter what they’re doing or where they are eating tonight? It’s over and you have to accept this or you’re going to extend the time it takes for you to move on.

You need to get your life back on track and stalking their Instagram and Facebook to see if they’re dating someone isn’t going to help.

This is going to be one of the hardest things to do so if you need to block or hide their feed to help yourself (I have certainly done that) please do it.

Instantly try to be friends

I truly believe that in special cases ex’s can most certainly be friends. But you can’t go from relationship to friends in two seconds.

It’s impossible to go from being romantically involved to friends without some room to breathe in the middle. Give each other the time and space that each of you needs to heal.

Also… remember that you have no obligation to be friends with your ex. If you don’t want to have any kind of relationship in the future, that is completely okay.

Spend all your time alone

Should you spend some time alone to reflect and indulge in some self-care? Yes, most certainly. However, this is also a time you should be utilizing the relationships in your life.

Call an old friend, try a new hobby with a buddy, go to a show… you may have neglected your friends for your relationship so this is the time to make amends and remember that it’s important to cultivate relationships outside of romantic ones.

Forget to love yourself

It’s easy to be absolutely miserable and lament the fact that you’re going to spend the rest of your life alone even though that’s not true.

Self-pity and drowning in your sorrows won't be the way to go forever. Now is the time to indulge in self-care and rediscover who you are, what you love, and what you want for the future.

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I am a writer & relationship consultant that primarily deals with narcissism, overcoming abuse & trauma, and self-love. Contact me @ Blog: carriewynn.com Instagram: carrie_wynnmusings


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