Opinion: Losing Sense of Self is Detrimental To A New Relationship

Stacy Ann

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What does it mean to lose your sense of self in a relationship?

To me, it means that you stop putting yourself first. You stop thinking about your needs, desires, and dreams because you’re so focused on your significant other.

This often happens in abusive/controlling relationships due to the trauma that follows the abuse which can completely erode someone’s self-confidence and self-worth.

However, it also often happens in perfectly healthy and normal relationships especially if you tend to lean on the more codependent side of the spectrum.

I used to lose myself in every relationship. I always put the other person first and allowed them to consume my life and thoughts.

These are the ways that I was able to prevent my old patterns from arising in my most recent relationship which in turn, has left me the happiest I’ve ever been both in the relationship and with myself.

Check-in with your feelings

We always ask the people we love how they feel. How often do we ask ourselves?

Check-in with both your body and mind when you are in your relationship. How do you feel before you head over to your partner’s house or when you’re spending time together?

Relaxed? Anxious? Depressed? We often listen to every thought that goes through our mind, logical or not, but forget that our bodies are also a way to gauge our feelings.

The more we allow our thoughts and feelings to come in without stopping them and working through our feelings, the more we will be in touch with our reality.

Don’t mold yourself to satisfy someone else

It’s extremely easy to do this without even realizing it especially in the beginning part of a relationship.

First, please know that if someone asks you to change and constantly criticizes you… it’s not a healthy relationship.

Second, always remember that the right person is going to fall in love with you… for you.

There have been times where I tried to change things about myself because I thought it would make a partner happier. It never did, and they often would say that they never asked me to change in the first place.

Looking back, I’ve realized that I put all of that pressure on myself when no one was asking me to change at all.

Have your own life

Contrary to what we’ve seen portrayed in the media even once you’ve found a great relationship you should still have time to yourself.

One person will never be able to be the center of your universe or your one source of happiness. It’s impossible and it’s ridiculous to put that pressure on another human being.

Don’t stop having your own life along with the life you grow with your partner.

Put yourself first

It is never selfish to put yourself first.

When you take care of your physical and mental health you will have even more to give to the people and relationships in your life.

Carve out time for your hobbies, friends, and all the other things that make you happy. Not only will you and your partner have more to talk about, but it’s going to make you even more attractive to them.

Keeping in tune with yourself is going to prevent you from losing your sense of self in your relationship, which will cause you to be more present and aware.

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