Opinion: Women Are Constantly Pitted Against Each Other

Stacy Ann

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For the past year or so I’ve been part of 2–3 groups of women’s chat rooms or text/email groups.

Most of them are relevant to writing, others are relevant to advocacy for women.

I have no doubt that these women have the best of intentions, or at least I hope they do. I’ll be honest I’m not great at communicating in these types of settings. I have so many other things going on that I usually end up being added to group chats or groups and chiming in every now and then.

However, I have noticed that in every single group the same thing happens.

Cattiness and even drama ensue between the women in the group and it normally stems from the competition that inevitably rises up.

Due to the nature of what I do, I’m on multiple social media platforms and the cruelty between women extends to those platforms. I see comments of women critiquing what another creator wore, or commenting on someone’s weight gain.

However, I would be lying if I said that there haven’t been moments where I compete with women, even my closest friends.

For example, when I found out that my best friend was engaged I was extremely excited for her, and immediately after wondered if there was something wrong with me for not being engaged even though my partner and I had been dating longer.

When a girlfriend shows up and has lost weight I immediately compare my body to hers without even meaning to. There are behaviors that are so ingrained within me that I do them without thinking.

We cannot compete with each other as women or else we will never be able to lift each other up and get the respect that we truly deserve.

I often think of the relationships between men and I wonder why they seem to have no drama between them for the most part.

The reality is that they are not taught that they are each other’s competition. They are told that they can do anything and that they are strong and smart. Women are given dolls and told that they will be great mothers someday. We often grow up and feel insecure because no one is lifting us up the way that we need and deserve.

When we see examples in the media such as the longtime feud between Taylor Swift and Katy Perry it is no secret that people got obsessed. Something about seeing two women catfight is the thing of fantasies especially when they were two of the biggest pop stars on the planet.

The reality is that we have no idea how much of that was true and how much was exaggerated. However, it was another example that was shown to women that one woman couldn’t get to the top without pushing the other down, and that’s exactly what happened

Luckily… there is hope for reconciliation and change.

Earlier this year Katy Perry opened up about why she and Taylor Swift finally put their feud to rest. She also spoke out about how female artists are pitted against each other and how the media had blown their fight out of proportion.

“You never see, like, articles about Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber in a fight or Shawn Mendes and Niall Horan in a fight,” she said. “It’s gonna take audiences and media and artists a lot of just shifting of consciousness.”

The truth is that we can start changing the narrative but we cannot expect the world to change when we are fighting this battle with ourselves.

The great thing about learned behaviors is that with enough time and work, they can eventually be unlearned.

This is my pledge to continue making the change within myself to stop viewing women as my competition. I implore you to make the same pledge because it is the only way that we will truly become each other’s allies.



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I am a writer & relationship consultant that primarily deals with narcissism, overcoming abuse & trauma, and self-love. Contact me @ Blog: carriewynn.com Instagram: carrie_wynnmusings


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