Years ago I was in a relationship with a man who had narcissistic personality disorder.
Numerous traumatic events were connected to the psychological abuse that I endured and for a long time, I couldn’t understand why he treated me the way that he did.
Later on, I learned that there was a belief that fueled his actions towards me and the other women that had crossed his path before our relationship.
He was incredibly sexist and he certainly isn’t the only person with narcissistic personality disorder that believes women were put on this planet to serve them.
Studies have begun showing sexism and the dark triad (psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism) can often go hand-in-hand.
Based on the studies and my own personal experience along with others, here are the ways that a narcissist will reveal that they may have underlying sexist beliefs.
#1. They can’t stand having a woman in a position of leadership
Recently I was working with a client that had just broken up with her narcissistic ex.
Throughout their relationship, he constantly complained about his company and the fact that they had put a woman in leadership. Then, my client said something that struck me:
“My ex always talked about how annoying and frustrating it was to be working under a woman. I prodded and prodded and after a few months, I finally got the answer why. He believed that women only desire power to gain control over men when they should really be catering to their man’s needs.”
I wish that the words had surprised me, but instead, they were a reminder that a narcissist truly believes everyone is put on their earth to cater to their needs.
#2. They will claim that how a woman dresses dictates how she feels and how she should be treated
Years ago I was getting ready to go on a vegas trip with some friends who were ironically introduced to me by the narcissist.
As I showed him pictures of the outfits I had just purchased a disgusted look came across his face.
“If you go out looking like that then you are just looking to get attention, and you won’t be respected. A woman only goes out looking like that if she is trying to get some and a guy is going to take what he wants.”
I was absolutely shocked. For one, I trend on the modest side and my dress was not scandalous by any means, let alone by vegas standards. I was also shocked due to how derogatory the other words were that my ex used and realized that was how he truly viewed women.
#3. They claim that you only get/got to where you are because of your looks/being a woman
A few years ago I worked with a manager, let’s call her Lisa, that had originally been my peer but then was promoted to manage my entire team.
Lisa was great at her job and there was no one that questioned whether or not she was promoted due to her performance… except for one person. Our narcissistic and sexist director.
Our director had continually had allegations raised against how he treated the women employees. The final straw was when he was in a room alone with Lisa. To her face, he said that she had only ever been promoted because of her looks and that was the only way a woman would be successful in the corporate world.
The sexist director was fired but Lisa later revealed that his words had caused her to doubt her qualifications and whether or not she deserved to be promoted due to her talent and hard work instead of her outward appearance.
If someone doesn’t respect women as a whole, they won’t respect you
The reality is that some men truly believe that women are ultimately there to provide them pleasure.
Men who scored the highest on the narcissism test were more likely to view women as conniving gold-diggers, as teases who tempt men and don’t deliver, or as seductresses with plans to trick men and “get them under their thumb,”
The combination of narcissism and sexism is extremely dangerous. It doesn’t matter if you are in a relationship with someone, and believe that they view you differently. If they look at women and make sexist, derogatory comments, they will eventually be directing those comments towards you.
Remember, you deserve to be respected and if someone is exhibiting signs that they do not consider women to be their equal counterparts, it’s time to run the other way.