A good friend of mine, Jana, is currently struggling in her relationship. Jana and her partner are constantly bickering, finding fault in each other, and seem to bring out the worst in each other.
Relationships go through ups and downs, but in the six months they have been dating, they fight almost every day.
Recently Jana texted me saying that “relationships are so hard… every day feels like a battle.”
Instead of agreeing with her, I hesitated. Yes, relationships take work, but when I reflect on the life I share with my partner, our fights are few and far between, and we diffuse them very quickly.
The reality is that even though Jana is a great person and her boyfriend is a great person… they may not be compatible because every day shouldn’t feel like a war.
Here are three indicators that you and your partner simply aren’t the best match for a long-term relationship.
#1. You overcompensate when out in public
My friend, Catherine, and her boyfriend, Andre, are all over each other when we are out in a group. The number of times that they call each other “baby” usually exceeds 20+ times in the evening, and they are constantly sitting in each other’s laps and making out in front of their friends.
After witnessing their PDA, I was less than surprised to discover that they were having relationship issues because their actions towards each other seemed a bit over the top. Catherine explained that it feels like they aren’t on the same page these days but that she doesn’t want people to realize anything is wrong, so she puts on a bit of an act.
There is nothing wrong with PDA, but if you need to up the affection when you are in public, I would assess what is happening behind the scenes at home.
#2. You constantly fight and still gush about your love for your partner on social media
Over the weekend, my friend Jessica told me that she had a BBQ with a few close friends. Her boyfriend, Robert, showed up, and after a few drinks, the two of them were bickering for absolutely no real reason.
Jessica explained that their small bickering at the BBQ turned into the two of them getting into a huge fight. It was so heated that Jessica almost ended their two-year relationship then and there. Instead, they decided to cool off. The next morning I saw that she had posted a picture of the two of them and sighed because it was behavior I recognized all too well.
It’s incredibly easy to push your partner’s buttons and bring out the worst in each other but fights usually become even more heated if you aren’t compatible with your partner.
#3. It’s absolutely exhausting trying to make things work even though you both love each other
When I was twenty years old, my first love and I were on our way to the airport. He had been visiting as we were doing long distances, and that drive was one that I still feel deep in my soul.
The entire two hours of the drive, I was sobbing my heart out, and he was crying as well. When we got out of the car, he took me into his arms for a hug and whispered that he would be back, even though we both knew it was a life.
That was the last time that we ever saw each other.
The reality is that we couldn’t make things work anymore and that we could both feel that it was the end of our relationship, even if it was hard to let go. It wasn’t a matter of whether or not we loved each other. It was the reality that we had drifted apart and were no longer going in the same direction.
There is a difference between going through a hard time and making things work with someone that isn’t a good match.
A relationship can be difficult, but ultimately it should be enhancing your quality of life. If it is exhausting and the bad outweighs the good, it is time to reevaluate even if you deeply care about the person you are with.
A break-up isn’t always due to a terrible mistake or a couple falling out of love. Sometimes it is between two people who deeply love each other but are not compatible.