Woman makes "harmless" fat shame joke to throw shade on "hot" friend


A 22-year-old woman made a "harmless joke" about a friend who recently lost weight when another young woman appeared to show interest in him. Now she is polling Reddit to ask whether or not she was wrong to imply that her "formerly overweight friend" was more attractive now than he was before he lost weight.

*This is a work of non-fiction sourced from social media discussion boards and verified experts/specialists.*

The author of the post explained that she has been friends with "James" since they started college and that when he decided to "change his lifestyle and be healthier," she supported him by being his "workout/motivation buddy." But now that James has lost weight, he is "confident enough to do his own thing."

When the friend pair attended a mutual friend's get-together, she was approached by another woman who appeared to be attracted to James. The poster admits that the other woman ignored her "entirely" while she showed clear interest in him.

The mood shifted when the woman asked her if she and James were an item, to which the author laughed before replying:

"...she wouldn't have asked me this if she had seen him last year." 

According to WebMD, it's not uncommon for family and friends to show "a surprising lack of enthusiasm" when an overweight person decides to lose weight. Some people may feel like someone else's accomplishment reminds them of "their own failed attempts." 

The author went on to say that the exchange left James "speechless," and when the other woman asked her to explain her comment, she said that James used to be "way chubbier." To which the woman shrugged and responded, "he's hot." The author thought the woman's response was "trashy." and went on to say:

"Afterwards I spoke to James in private and he seemed to have gotten his feelings hurt. I explained it was just a joke cos last year NOBODY would've assumed we're together. I mean the whole point of the joke was that he's considered more attractive now but I know his true awkward self and past."

Other attendees of the quasi-party told the author she was out of line and that it "was a mean thing to say."

What do you think?

Was the author wrong to make the joke about her "formerly overweight friend?" Or did she mean no harm and was trying to lighten the mood?

Is it possible that she was jealous of the attention James was receiving? Or could she be secretly attracted to him, and the joke was her way of deflecting the other woman's advances?

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Intimacy + Relationship-ing Coach | Writer. Helping singles & couples create healthy loving relationships.

Los Angeles County, CA

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