Woman found that grand gestures did not make her feel loved


**This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events as told to me by a client, who experienced them firsthand; used with permission.

"I thought love would just happen to me, like in the movies," my client said. "But now I realize that love is something you have to work at."

We were discussing how, after years of being together, the magic and sparkle of her relationship had worn off. She felt like she was doing all the work to keep things going while her partner just coasted along.

It's a familiar story.

She told me that everything she thought she knew about love came from books, movies, and songs. And while those can be excellent sources of information, they often don't tell the whole story.

We've all seen the movies and TV shows where an extravagantly romantic partner is wooing the leading lady or gentleman. They pull out all the stops to make grand gestures that sweep their love interest off their feet. It looks so dreamy and exciting!

After ten years of marriage, my client realized that those big romantic gestures don't always mean the most to her. Sometimes, the little things her husband does that show her he's still madly in love with her make her feel the most loved.

She's right. Love is day-to-day, moment-to-moment. It's the little things we do that show our partners we care that tend to take up residence in their hearts.

Here are eight small but mighty ways to show your romantic partner you're still madly in love with them, even when times get tough.

1. Make time for them

In the early stages of a relationship, we often bend over backward to make time for our new partner. But as time goes on and the relationship becomes more established, it's easy to let other things take precedence.

If you want to show your partner that you're still madly in love with them, make time for them, even when you're busy. Whether it's watching their favorite TV show together or taking a weekend trip, find ways to include them in your schedule.

2. Do things together that you both enjoy

Couples who have been together for a while often find themselves in a rut, doing the same things repeatedly. But now, new adventures are literally at your fingertips. The internet is bursting with new and exciting things to do. You're sure to find something you and your partner will enjoy.

3. Be present when you're together

In today's world, it's easy to be distracted. There are always things vying for your attention, whether your cell phone, work, or even your thoughts. But when you're with your partner, you should try to be as present as possible.

Please give them your undivided attention, and listen to what they say. This will show them that you're still interested in them and value their company.

4. Be generous with physical affection

Do you ever have those days when you don't feel like being bothered? Yeah, me too. But here's the thing, your partner could quickly get the wrong idea. Your not-so-great mood might come off as rejection, even if that's not your intention.

So, even when you're not in the mood, try to touch your partner affectionately. It doesn't have to be anything major. Just a simple hug or kiss will do. This will show them that you still care about them, even when you're not feeling your best.

5. Plan surprises for them

One of the best ways to show your partner that you're still madly in love is to surprise them now and then. Nothing big, expensive, or extravagant, just something that shows you were thinking about them.

You could make them their favorite meal, buy them an un-birthday gift, or even send them a love note. Whatever you do, make sure it's a surprise!

6. Make an effort to look good for them

When we're in a long-term relationship, letting ourselves go a little bit is easy. We get comfortable with our partners and stop making the same effort we did initially.

But if you want to show your partner that you're still in love, make an effort to look good for them. Get dressed up on ordinary days. Wear that shirt that brings out your eyes. Or put on that dress with the peep-toe shoes that make your calves look amazing. They'll appreciate the effort, and you'll feel better about yourself, too.

7. Check a few things off the honey-do list.

Everyone has a honey-do list, even if it's not written down. Those little things that need to be done around the house or yard never that seem to get done.

If you want to show your partner that you still got the hots for them, check a few things on their honey-do list. Mow the lawn, clean out the gutters, or wash the car. Order takeout for dinner, so they don't have to cook. It's just a little something to try to make their life a little bit easier.

8. Tell them how much they mean to you

One of the simplest but most effective ways to show your partner that they're still the one is to tell them how much they mean to you. Let them know that you appreciate everything they do for you.

Tell them how lucky you feel to have them in your life. Remind them of why you fell in love with them in the first place. Sometimes, the best way to show your love is to say it out loud.

Even when times are tough, you can always do little things to show your partner that your heart still skips a beat for them. A little effort goes a long way in keeping the spark alive in any relationship. So, try out a few of these tips and see how your partner responds. I'm sure you'll get an immediate return on your investment!

What are some ways you show your partner that you're still madly in love with them? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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Intimacy & Relationship coach, writer, and creator of The Sensuality Project. I specialize in Relationship-ing (it's a verb).

Los Angeles County, CA

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