Man breaks up with female best friend because wife felt threatened


**This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events that I have experienced firsthand; used with permission.

My oldest friend is a guy. We met in primary school and have maintained our friendship for nearly four decades. Over the years, we have both been in and out of relationships, but our friendship has endured.

I was over the moon when he told me that he was marrying his longtime girlfriend. Unfortunately, she felt threatened by our friendship. It upset her when we texted or talked to one another. The final straw came when I attended his wedding. She told him that she didn’t want me in their lives anymore, and he sadly obliged.

It was a hard pill to swallow, but I knew I had to respect their relationship. We went from talking every day to barely speaking. It was a loss that I felt deeply. The pain of his absence in my life lessened over time, but I never really got over it.

My friend’s marriage ended a few years ago, and he reached out to me. We picked up right where we left off, and I was grateful. I had missed him dearly. Now, we are back to being inseparable. I’m happy that we could rekindle our friendship, and I cherish it more than ever.

Why do people find opposite-sex platonic friendships threatening?

There are many reasons why platonic friendships with the opposite sex make people uncomfortable. Sometimes the problem stems from personal insecurity or jealousy. It may also be due to cultural norms that dictate that men and women can’t just be friends. Whatever the reason, it can be challenging to navigate these relationships.

Some people struggle to accept their partner’s deep connection with someone else.

They may feel like they are competing for their partner’s attention or that their relationship is somehow inferior. In other cases, people may be worried about infidelity or cheating.

Platonic friendships can also be threatening because they challenge traditional gender roles. For example, if a man is close friends with a woman, it may make his girlfriend feel like she is not good enough.

My friend’s wife felt like she should have been his only confidant. She didn’t like the idea that he might be sharing things with me that he wasn’t comfortable sharing with her.

Is it healthy to be friends with people who are not friends with your partner?

It can be healthy to be friends with people who are not friends with your partner, but it can also be challenging. If you and your partner have different friend groups, both people need to feel secure in the relationship to make it work.

For example, it can be tricky if your partner is friends with someone you don’t get along with. You may feel like you are constantly competing for their attention or that they are taking sides.

My partner’s closest friend is a woman, and she and I have met, but we’re not friends. Their friendship does not threaten me; for me, it’s not any different than if she were a man. But I realize that I am in the minority here.

If your partner is not comfortable with you having separate friends, talk about it. Explain what the relationship means to you, and try to convey that your friend is not competition for your partner.

Do your best to try to see things from your partner’s perspective. If you were in their shoes, how would you feel?

In healthy relationships, there is room for friends and separate interests. It is possible to have a healthy relationship even if you are not friends with your partner’s friends. The key is communication and understanding.

What should you do if your partner doesn’t want you to be friends with someone of the opposite sex?

The first step to trying to resolve the conflict is talking about it. The conversation will likely be uncomfortable, but try not to be defensive. Unless you’re both willing to listen, the discussion will get nowhere.

Ultimately, whether or not you can work things out depends on how well you communicate with one another. If they are not comfortable with it, you may need to reassess the relationship. Friendships are meaningful, but so is your relationship. You don’t want to lose one for the other.

It would help if you also were prepared to make a choice, as uncomfortable as it may be. If push comes to shove, you may need to choose between your partner and your friend.

That may be a terrible position to be in, but it is something that you may have to face.

No matter what, remember that communication is critical. If you can’t talk to your partner about your friendships, then there may be a bigger problem in the relationship.

Of course, this is a decision that you should only make after talking to your partner and trying to come to a compromise.

What are some ways to make opposite-sex friendships less threatening?

There are a few things you can do to make opposite-sex friendships less threatening:

1. Share the history of your friendship with your partner. Tell them how it started and what has allowed the friendship to endure through the years.

2. Allow space for your partner’s perspective, even if you disagree.

3. Introduce them to one another so that they can both have an opportunity to get to know each other in a more comfortable setting.

In conclusion, platonic friendships can cause unexpected challenges for romantic partnerships. While romantic relationships can coexist with platonic friendship, it doesn’t always work out that way.

Openly discuss the issue with your partner and your friend. If you can’t come to a resolution, you may have to make a tough decision that will be hard to live with, no matter what.

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Intimacy & Relationship coach, writer, and creator of The Sensuality Project. I specialize in Relationship-ing (it's a verb).

Los Angeles County, CA

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