Woman weds married lover whose spouse left him for another man

StaceyNHerrera

**This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events as told to me by a close friend, who experienced them firsthand; used with permission.

One of my oldest friends dated a married man for nearly ten years. It was the most open secret in our group of friends.

Everyone knew, which made us uneasy, but nobody said anything because we liked him and knew his wife. While we were not comfortable being complicit in the affair, none of us wanted to deal with the backlash of destroying someone else’s marriage.

My friend was the other woman, the side chick, the mistress, call it what you will. And for years, she was happy with that role. She was comfortable being the one he turned to when things were bad at home, happy being the person he confided in, and pleased with the physical affection and attention he gave her.

Then something changed. His wife left him for another man. Of course, this seemed like a major plot twist. I mean, no one saw that coming.

My friend wasn’t sure what would happen to their relationship. After all, some affairs don’t survive the divorce. But this one did. He turned to her for support, and she was there for him.

They started dating openly and eventually got married. And they’re happy now. They’ve all adjusted to the new family dynamic, and things couldn’t be better. The two former spouses get along better than they ever did when they were married.

Sometimes, the side chick becomes the main chick, and it works out. It’s not a typical story, but it does happen. And while it’s not a situation that everyone is comfortable with, it can be done successfully.

Naturally, my friend is not proud of their origin story. She’s honest about the shame and regret she feels for being involved with a married man, but she’s also happy with how things have turned out.

Can affairs lead to marriage?

Several websites touted unverified statistics claiming that 5 to 7% of affairs lead to marriage, but 75% of marriages that begin as affairs end in divorce. But it seems that the shame and guilt that often cloud infidelity can become a burden in a new relationship.

So, while an affair might lead to marriage, it’s not always a recipe for success. But in some cases, the affair partner can become the main squeeze, and everyone lives happily ever after, even if it’s not the traditional happily ever after.

Affairs that turn into relationships are often frowned upon.

Marriage is still sacred in the eyes of most cultures, although statistics show that 50% of marriages end in divorce in the U.S. This is why people in relationships that began as affairs often find themselves being shunned by their family and friends.

While an affair can sometimes turn into a happy and successful marriage, it’s not always the case. And even if it is, the couple will often find themselves judged by others.

So, if you’re thinking about starting an affair, be prepared for the possible ramifications. It might lead to a beautiful and fulfilling relationship, but it could also end in heartache and pain.

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Intimacy & Relationship coach, writer, and creator of The Sensuality Project. I specialize in Relationship-ing (it's a verb).

Los Angeles County, CA
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