Woman refused to give up her dream of having a baby with her friend-with-benefits


*This is a work of nonfiction based on actual events as told to me by a close friend, who experienced them firsthand; used with permission.

When I was in my early twenties, one of my best girlfriends decided that she wanted to have a baby. She was a few years older than me, and she had convinced herself that she needed to have her first child before age 27. This would have been fine, except for one thing — the guy she was seeing had a girlfriend. 

The guy was honest with my friend from the start. So she knew that he eventually planned to marry his longtime love, and she still agreed to see him. They would hook up whenever he was in town. There were no formal dates, just two twenty-somethings hanging out whenever time permitted. She enjoyed his company, and he seemed to enjoy hers. And she was content with that, at first. 

Things started to get muddled a year into their friends-with-benefit-ship when her biological clock began to tick, tick, tick. The more often they saw one another, the deeper she fell. Don’t get me wrong, he cared about her too, but they were clearly not on the same page. 

I warned her against continuing the relationship because it could only end one way — badly. Of course, she had already gone off the deep end, convinced that he was her one true love and that if she couldn’t have him for herself, she would find a way to keep a piece of him forever. 

That was when she decided to do the unthinkable.

Her two-part-fail-proof plan was to stop taking her birth control pills and poke holes in the condom. And her plan went off without a hitch. She succeeded on the first try, and six weeks later, a doctor confirmed that she was pregnant. 

Naturally, he was confused when she told him the news because he thought they’d been careful. He vowed to support her and the baby as best he could, but their fling ended immediately. 

He did the right thing and told his girlfriend the truth, and to my surprise, she stuck around. They got married and had a family of their own, just like they originally planned. 

As for my friend, she pined for him for years after the birth of their child, holding on to the hope that someday he would change his mind. But that day never came. She eventually settled down with someone else. 

To this day, the guy has no idea that she got pregnant on purpose, but she has no regrets. 

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Intimacy & Relationship coach, writer, and creator of The Sensuality Project. I specialize in Relationship-ing (it's a verb).

Los Angeles County, CA

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