Her Incarcerated Spouse Asked His Baby Mama to Care for His Belongings While Locked Up. Should She Feel Disrespected?

Soul Screwed Series

" My boyfriend of seven years recently became incarcerated. He asked me or rather told me to please contact his baby mama to tell her to put all of his things into her storage. His reason for doing this was based on past experiences that he says left him in situations where he came home to nothing. As a woman and his woman, this hit me low in the gut. As I bagged and collected all of his belongings I could not understand his reasoning and I admit it hurts. I have never done anything disloyal in our time together and have done everything to make him feel secure. He doesn't understand me when I explain how as a woman this made me feel low and honestly hurt my feelings. It made me feel like his baby mama is the woman he will always rely on or run back to in his times of need. I was told to give her his personal belongings such as identification and bank card. I am upset by this because the account is a shared account between the two of us and I am not comfortable with another woman having access to my life. I keep questioning how could this bring him comfort when he has made so many comments on how she was one of the individuals that hurt him in the past. Should I take this as a red flag and back off or am I overthinking this whole ordeal?" -Felicia

Hey Felicia. It is extremely hard to sometimes understand the actions and reasoning behind men. Your boyfriend, despite the hurt the mother of his child may have caused him, seems to still find comfort and security in this woman. That does not mean that you have done anything wrong, however, it shows that he may not be completely over that past relationship. I believe that when two people share a bond they hold this entitlement over one another and it often brings pain to the individuals they choose to move forward with. You should never feel inferior or second to any woman in a relationship and if this is what you are feeling you have every right to voice your feelings. You must ask yourself if this is something you can deal with. You must talk specifically to your spouse and ask him why he feels the way he does? Don't beat yourself up though because of the decisions of another. -SSS

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