Fiancé Admitted to Affair for Valentine's Day. She Discovered it Occurred During Her Miscarriage. Can She Forgive Him?

Soul Screwed Series

"Two years ago my boyfriend, now fiancee admitted to stepping outside of our relationship. Though this was extremely heartbreaking, we were able to move past the infidelity. Two weeks ago I found out that the incident occurred a week after I miscarried our child at four months. He originally told me that the affair happened before Valentine's Day. The excuse behind his infidelity was that I was still bleeding. I feel as if I am reliving the whole ordeal and I am not sure if I can forgive him for this. He and other people aware of the situation believe that I am overreacting because I had already forgiven him. However, that was before I was aware of the timing and the reason behind the infidelity. Am I overreacting on a topic we had already settled or are my newfound emotions justifiable? What would you do? Would this be the end of the relationship for you?" -Ophelia

Hey Ophelia. I am sorry for your loss as well as the heartbreak you are experiencing. While forgiveness may be a critical detail of infidelity healing, it typically does not transpire at the onset of the recovery process. In my experience, forgiveness more often happens toward the end of the approach. For the companion who was backstabbed, forgiveness oftentimes signifies the end of the journey. I would recommend that you give yourself some personal time so that you can collect your thoughts and feelings and figure out what is best for you and not what is expected of you. You can't have a happy marriage nor should you walk down the aisle harboring ill emotions of any kind. Having to grieve the loss of a child is tough and you expect your partner to be there for you. However, only you can know if this determines the end of the relationship. I understand the emotions of shock, anger, embarrassment, and the many questions you are asking yourself. Don't allow this to gain control over you mentally or emotionally because whatever decision you make, you must stand firm and be strong for yourself. I hope you find peace and happiness. -SSS

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