Her Boyfriend Weaponizes His Gifts During Arguments. Should She Stop Accepting Them?

Several Gift Boxes Near the White Flowerspixaby

"My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now and we have started arguing a lot more than usual. During the arguments my boyfriend likes to throw in my face what he has purchased for me or what he has done for me over the years, and though I have done things for him I resist the urge to throw things back at him. I don't believe you do things for people just to speak on it later. However, after our arguments die down he has a habit of wanting to spend money and gift me. We recently got into an argument because I commented that prefer that he doesn't spend money on me and he acted offended. I explained to him how I am tired of having material things thrown in my face. I have never based for any of the gifts though I am always appreciative of the gestures. He tried making excuses saying that he only said that because he was upset and that I am acting immature because technically his words held much truth. Should I stand my ground and not accept any more gifts or am I overreacting?" -Candice

Candice, it appears like he’s attempting to buy your forbearance by doing things for you and by guilt-tripping you. You need to clarify that gifts aren’t exchanged for the way he treats you. He does pleasant things to lord them over you. This is a treacherous individual you are bargaining with here. Anyone who does something for you and reminds you about it all the time is a manipulator. He didn't purchase you the present or do something for you out of the goodness of his heart. This was done for his self-esteem and you'll never hear the end of it. Just suppose everything from him comes with strings attached and he can't get upset with that outlook because he set that tone. This is not a healthy relationship. This mindset will only get more menacing to the point where they remind you of any and everything they did for you as though your association is transactional. A person like this will fail to acknowledge your efforts in the relationship. A gift is charming only if it comes with no justification except to appreciate you and make you cheerful. If it comes with an emotional price tag it is not a present, rather, it is a weapon to make you fit to whatever it is he deems that you owe him. This is unhealthy behavior and you are not in the wrong to renounce his offerings if he persists to use them against you. Stand your ground Candice because you are a gift yourself. -SSS