My Wife Lied About Taking Birth Control While I Spent Money on IVF. Can I forgive her or is this divorce?

Soul Screwed Series

My wife and I have been together for 8 years. For the first five years, we struggled with conception. Both of us feared we were not able to have our own child and scheduled routine doctor visits which were always proven fine. I honestly felt I had the issue and blamed myself for us not having a child yet. Recently my wife had an emergency at work and had to go in early. I decided to cut my hair since I was off and needed the alcohol. I was out so knowing that she keeps a stash of wipes for her makeup I went into her vanity. I came across a folded prescription for Drospirenone. Curious as to why this one prescription was hidden seeing as we were openly on this journey together; I googled and found out she was taking birth control. I was pissed off. I immediately called and questioned her about it. She tried to explain how she just wasn't ready to be a parent but couldn't tell me because I wanted it. The most devasting part is that her doctor prescribed these pills, and because it was her body and medical info, they couldn't tell me. Yet still took my money. We've been separated for 4 months now and I'm even thinking about divorce. I don't trust her. How do I forgive her for this? -TJ90

Hey TJ

I hope this finds you in good spirits. Relationships are built on trust and honesty. It is your wife's body however I do feel she should have communicated her fears and feelings to you as well out of mere respect for your marriage. When your wife decided to lie by omission or deceit, the trust was destroyed instantly. As you work through feelings of deception, disappointment, anger, and heartbreak, it may be challenging to figure out how to excuse your wife. Fighting through these emotions takes some time, but with endurance and strength, it is possible to repair the bond and forgive your spouse. She most definitely should acknowledge your feelings as you should hers, marriage is compromising. Expressing how you feel helps you heal and move toward forgiveness. You can never control the behavior of your spouse, but you can demand respect and honesty. When we feel betrayed our emotions spiral. Don't make any final decisions upset. -SSS

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