There's a time and a place for "in your face."
Warning: The following may trigger a myriad of emotions such as hostility, outrage, and deep denial.
Just when you think you’ve seen it all, a young woman, early twenties maybe, flounces by you at the gym on her way to the restroom, and your eyes, like a guided missile, immediately home in on her bootie.
Why? Because, for half a second, it looked as if she wasn’t wearing any pants. I hardly have the words to articulate what I saw.
Now, I’m not into women’s butts, but I’m also not used to seeing a perfect outline of butt cheeks and crack in a public setting, hence the rubber neck.
I’m also not a prude, as those of you who read me are aware. With that, though, I can’t help wondering what this young woman was thinking when she got dressed to work out.
This was not a “one and done” as I’ve seen several women wearing similar garb while breaking a sweat.
This is how I prepare for the gym: I wear Capri-length yoga pants, a T-shirt, and minimal makeup, and I claw-clip my hair in a messy updo. Not sexy, perhaps, but I go to the gym to reap the physical and mental benefits of regular exercise. I’m not there for validation that I’m appealing to the other sex.
Sound harsh? Well, why else wear shorts that are cut so high they hit the sweet spot where the thighs and groin meet up? That short. Okay, that’s not a big deal as women have been wearing what were called Daisy Dukes, for years.
But, when the shorts are expressly designed to mold and shape the butt so that nothing is left to the imagination, where everything is on view, then I can only surmise that the wearer isn't too bright. And, if she receives unwanted attention from men, as in ogling, which she did, then, “Oh, well.”
I neglected to mention that the fabric the shorts were made of was so thin, one could also see that the wearer’s skin tone was of a shade I’d call, “fair.”
Here is where I need to point out that I’m not sticking up for the oglers, but hell, I looked! And isn’t that the reason a woman would wear these alleged “workout shorts?”
Do they somehow enhance a gal’s performance on the stairmaster or elliptical? Perhaps a deadlift is more effective when one’s butt is on full view for any moron to gobble up visually.
Ladies, if you wear these shorts, which Amazon calls Scrunch Butt shorts, by the way, don’t whine if some random guy lets off a wolf whistle at the gym while you saunter by, or makes an untoward comment. There’s no way in hell it won’t happen at some point in time.
By the way, the shorts this young woman was wearing were even more revealing than those on Amazon. They did nothing for her rather plain face, but she had a great butt. And everyone working out that day knew it.
Now, before you jump all over me and accuse me of being one of those sexist morons who, when a woman is sexually assaulted or harassed, says that “She asked for it by wearing such and so,” that’s totally untrue. So, please, don’t go there.
The unfortunate fact is that we sexualize everything. Nudity, even public nudity isn’t a big deal in other countries, but here, show a little too much skin, and the sick twists come out of the woodwork. Wear gym shorts cut to your groin that give onlookers a 3D view of your behind, and be prepared that you may get unwanted attention from potentially disturbed individuals who may want to do disturbing things to that behind. It’s sad and shameful, but that’s the way of our world, and you either face it or take a chance on being victimized.
It’s worth noting, I believe, that the young woman looked rather uncomfortable. Even a bit grim. Perhaps she realized that she’d made a poor choice in gym wear.
Before I leave you, if I’m missing something and Scrunch Butt shorts, or whatever you prefer to call them, are enormously beneficial in some way, like padded bike shorts, sing out. Let me know because, from my vantage point, they look cartoonish, unless your aim is to look like Playboy Magazine’s Little Annie Fanny while pumping iron.
Finally, as I was finishing up a round of tricep dips, the young woman walked by and I saw that she’d pulled her shirt from the waistband of her shorts and now had “full coverage.”
Maybe she figured it out.
Sherry McGuinn, 2023. All Rights Reserved.
Sherry McGuinn is a slightly twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. She is currently pitching her newest screenplay, “The Month We Fell Apart,” a drama with dark, comedic overtones inspired by a true story, as well as “DEAD TIRED,” a female-driven, erotic thriller.