Divorce is often considered one of the worst things that can happen in life. However, trying to find a solution for your children can be even worse. In fact, nothing can slow up a divorce more than trying to figure out what to do about your children.
It takes great patience to come up with a solution that works best for your children. You can’t come in ready to fight, or it is only going to take that much longer to come up with something that works for everyone!
So, what can you do? Here are some tips to help you stay calm during a child custody battle.
Remember that it should be all about your children. Many parents lose sight of what is important when they are fighting over their children. Instead of thinking about what is best for them, you may worry about losing them or just getting back at your ex!
However, if your child would do better living with your ex most of the time, make sure that is what happens. If you aren’t able to care for them every day due to your work schedule, you need to be realistic about it. See them as often as you can, but don’t fight for them, just because you are worried about losing your children.
Then, you have to find a way to communicate with your ex. The sooner this happens, the better off your family will be. You can practice this in mediation or in court (if you end up there).
Listen to your ex when he or she is speaking. Really listen to the points that he or she is trying to make. Don’t focus on what you want to say (or you won’t hear a word that is coming out of your ex’s mouth). Then, before you speak, take it all in before you answer (or have your rebuttal). You should never interrupt your ex when he or she is speaking because that is not listening well.
You would want your ex to do the same, so show the compassion that you want, and hopefully you will get it in return. As you practice, this will help you as you learn to co-parent together.
Don’t be afraid to walk away if it gets heated. You should never say something that you would regret, so it is much better to walk away in the heat of the moment. You don’t want to say or do something that you can’t take back, simply because you are reacting to the situation. It is much better to walk away and have the conversation at a later date (when everyone is much calmer).
The simple truth is that custody battles are called battles because they can become ugly. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. The best way to avoid this is by thinking about your children. You want to do what is best for them, so you should think about what they want and need. This may help you come up with a solution that works best for everyone, without turning nasty. This is also a good time to work on communication since you are going to need to be talking about the children for the rest of their lives.
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