Setting the Stage for Long-Lasting Relationships

RelationshipsAny Lane/ pexels

Whether or not we are successful in the workplace depends on the quality of our personal connections as well as how confident we are in our own abilities.

Discord with a loved one may have a catastrophic effect on our mood and productivity, and difficult divorce can be much more damaging.

What if you could experience the joy of being in love for the first time in years? Do you want your connection to feel enlivening and alive? Would you desire to have a positive image as a husband or wife?

A skill like any other must be learned, developed, and honed to the point that it can be used in a real-world context.

The Symbolism

It's natural to concentrate on each other's strengths at the beginning of a relationship. We point out our partner's qualities and virtues to each other. When we think about them, we remember their magnificence and beauty.

Loved ones are often told how much they mean to us by expressing our appreciation for their actions and deeds. Every time we receive and give love, our hearts are filled with joy and gratitude.

In our relationship, we converse for long periods of time, touch and love often, and offer each other thoughtful presents. When we think about how lovely and perfect we are together, we can't help but savor the sensation.

However, as time passes, our attention tends to be restricted to the things that don't work in our relationship and the things that we don't like in our spouses or significant others. Let go of what you really want and you'll get what you're looking for instead. In our drive for a better relationship, more than half of us end up divorcing.

The sequence of events is not unexpected when we understand that most of us have had little cognitive instruction in how to build a strong relationship.

The folks who raised us likely had little formal training in interpersonal skills, so whatever instruction we got was likely absorbed instinctively. Despite this, we are supposed to know exactly what to do and how to be in order to have a good connection when we find ourselves in a close relationship.

We can't expect to be great partners in a relationship if we don't have the proper knowledge and training, just as we can't expect a pilot to fly a plane without training.

All of us have inherited unhealthy interpersonal habits that are frequently more entrenched than we would want to admit. Isn't it amazing how many times we pledge to never say or do something again, only to find ourselves in a tense situation doing just that?

Because we are more like plants than machines, meaningful development and transformation in our relationships typically take longer than we think or wish for.

Because of our need for immediate outcomes, we lack the patience needed to properly modify our relationship habits. But the good news is that, even though we've made mistakes in the past, we can always find new methods to improve our relationships.

By focusing on what we want to build and the little gains that are made, we may create a climate of optimism and opportunity for ourselves and our relationship.

The Complaint Loophole

Our picture of our mate as great and flawless in every aspect tends to shift as time goes on in every relationship. It's possible that they're not as receptive to sex, or are less attentive or considerate, or look more controlled, afraid, or jealous.

In the beginning, we can see beyond their flaws and see their qualities, and we are patient and understanding as we seek methods to encourage them. We begin to see our relationships in a more unfavorable light when we have a series of breakdowns, issues, and disappointments.

When we don't like what they do, we fabricate tales that portray them in a less-than-flattering light. After a while, our partners start to seem more like "trash people," but with a dash of glamour.

As a way to bring our loved ones back to the person they were when we first fell in love, we tell them what we dislike about them and what we would want to see altered.

When things don't go our way, we lash out in rage, scream, shout, and retreat. We also demand, threaten, weep, and beg. We work relentlessly to make our point about what doesn't work about what they're doing and why we don't like it and how they should be different.

In the face of resistance and defensiveness and a barrage of accusations about our actions, we are taken aback and astonished. It simply strengthens our belief that they are the issue and that they need to do something about it immediately.

That which we don't like or desire in our relationships is really reinforced by concentrating on the negatives, which is why so many people strive so hard to alter things in this manner.

For example, the more we claim they're shut down, the more they look shutting down, and the more likely we are to complain about it again. We're stuck in a never-ending cycle of negativity and self-pity that has no end in sight.

Quantum physics goes against Cartesian reality.

When we express our dissatisfaction, we assume we are expressing a truthful and factual assessment of our partner. We are certain that we are speaking the truth, and we have a wealth of evidence to back it up. You're completely deaf to whatever I say! You don't look up at me when I speak to you. You're not responding to me. You'll never be able to accurately rephrase what I've stated! "

This is how we've been taught to move. We first see something, then build up a subjective and prejudiced interpretation of what we've observed, and then declare it to be true. In our minds, we believe we are expressing the truth while we are actually fabricating tales about our partners.

In the philosophy of Descartes, a French thinker, this presumed actuality of announcing observations as facts was presented (commonly known as Cartesian reality). It was Descartes' belief that the universe was a fixed reality that could be viewed and described in words. When we see anything similar to a table, we refer to it as a table.

The term "messy room" refers to a room that has a lot of clutter. In our interactions, we live in a Cartesian world. All the time, we are describing and identify our partners. When we're in a bad mood, we tend to make a lot of negative statements.

In the kitchen, you've never even offered to pitch in. You no longer touch me. “A happier state of mind allows us to see our spouse in a more favorable light. “You’re a sweetheart and a wonderful person."

What Descartes didn't realize, and what quantum physics has shown us, is that there is no such thing as a single entity. Physicists were shocked to learn that the observer was the key to understanding why some energy appeared as a particle and others as a wave in their tests. Particles or waves? It all came down to the observer's preconceptions about what they were looking for.

Everything we know and believe about reality has been thrown into question by this astonishing revelation. Observation of reality is not a passive process. It may be shaped and molded in any way. We alter and impact the world around us based on our expectations. We're not merely describing anything objectively when we witness something. Our actions have a direct impact on the outcomes we see.

Take a moment to consider the fact that we are created entirely from energy. Because of this, there is no way that we can simply be ourselves as well. We're all made up of kinetic energy. You and your partner's personalities and behavior are a direct reflection of what you anticipate seeing in the world!

No of how you or your spouse has behaved in the past, you can always create a new reality by adjusting your focus. A typical term for this phenomenon is "the law of attraction." A like-minded person is drawn to a like-minded person. The more you concentrate on something, the more of it you get.

For the most part, we don't take this into consideration when we make decisions or take action. To remark "He's not paying attention" is to express our belief that we're making an objective assessment of previous or current facts. As a result, we are creating him to be someone who doesn't listen the moment we raise our concerns.

As a result, we are essentially rewriting his history and recasting his future in light of what he has done in the past. Because of this, we are receiving a lot more "he doesn't listen" complaints. Reliance on statements based in the past is a common means through which we get enmeshed in toxic relationships.

Play around with it and see what it can do for you. Think about how concentrating on something you don't like causes you to produce even more of it. He can become angrier when he hears that you don't appreciate his moodiness! The more you think about how little you do in one day, the more productive you will be!

Take a minute to think about what you say about your mate without even knowing it. What's the tale behind him or her, in your mind? Describe your soulmate in one word. How are you spending your time? Observe how you talk about yourself in a bad light. Because you've been focused on the negative qualities of your relationship, you've been producing more of what you don't want.

What you want to see is what you should be focusing on.

We must concentrate on what we want to see in order to change our perception of our relationship. It is time to shift our focus back to or ahead to the things that we value most. We are what we concentrate on. Our focus widens as we pay more attention to it.

The more you focus on what you want to see in your spouse, the more you accomplish. You begin by searching for evidence that supports what you believe.

Focus on what you want to see.

When we want to change our perception of our spouse, we need to concentrate on what we want to see instead of what we perceive. Focusing on what we don't like, appreciate, or are thankful for isn't going to help us. As our focus widens, so does our horizon.

The more you focus on what you want to see in your spouse, the more you accomplish. You begin by forcing yourself to search for evidence that supports your desired outcome, which is frequently already there when you seek it.

There are instances when your companion genuinely listens, for example, and you'll begin to realize this. A simple act of seeing that what you seek already exists might be a priceless gift. You've made your lover into somebody who pays attention!

It is also a present to your lover if you search for the things you wish to see. Your spouse is no longer constrained by the confines of your previously negative narrative.

That's a massive amount of money. It is impossible for your spouse to show up as someone who listens if you believe they don't! In addition, the more you search for what you want, the more your spouse will become what you desire.

Use the following easy exercise to get a taste of the creative juices flowing in your body. Identify a characteristic in your spouse that you want to see in him or her. Make it seem like it's already happened. As a phrase, "he pays attention to what I'm saying."

Expect to see this level of craftsmanship. I appreciate his taking the time to listen. Be thankful that he took the time to listen to you. Speak it out loud. Thank you for taking the time to listen to what I had to say. Thanks so much for listening to what I'm saying! "(You can count on him to pay attention. It's time to go further. Speak to him as though he's been listening to you for a long time.

Observe how he grows in your mind's eye while you do this with gleeful anticipation. You may be astonished at how much more you gain from this simple adjustment of emphasis.

When working with couples, one of the most effective exercises I offer them is to utter three love appreciations to each other before going to sleep each night.

Love and creativity are unleashed when we praise our partner's traits and talents. An expression of gratitude from a partner may do wonders for the health and well-being of our relationships.


The quality of our relationships may be improved by the way we communicate and the expectations we set for ourselves. For lasting good change in relationships, redirect your focus to what you really want and want. You may use the power of the law of attraction and the creative process in your relationships if you use this easy technique.

To be sure, it's not enough to merely concentrate on what we like and appreciate in a relationship; in certain cases, a relationship coach may help untangle long-standing patterns.

There are many more skills to learn and develop, such as how to work cooperatively through difficult issues toward mutually satisfying solutions; how to fully express and communicate truths, desires, and feelings responsibly; how to deal with intense emotions and triggered responses; how to create safe intimate sharing experiences, both physical and emotional; how to best support each other during challenging moments; and how to empower each other to best express and fulfill their potential.

The skill that has the greatest influence on a relationship is the ability to concentrate our attention on what we want to see in our partners and to take the time to emphasize the qualities we like most about them.

Be considerate towards the person you care about. Tell a nice story about them and what they do. Don't be afraid to tell someone how much you care about them. Connect with the soul of your lover by looking into his or her eyes. Grasp and hold each other's hands.

By spending time together and fostering such attributes, you can work on the traits you'd want to see more of in your relationship. On a daily basis, search for areas of closeness, support, passion, and love with your mate. Intimate and wonderful encounters with your loved one may be created when you choose to concentrate on what you desire and adore.


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