Nothing could have gone better. For almost six months, I had been seeing this guy. We had similar hobbies and interests, which made us feel comfortable with one another.
They'd spoken about the future and even spent time together during the holidays. Our romance seemed to be on the right track and everything looked to be going well.
Later, he stated he "needed some time to ponder and sort things out," without giving any prior notice. When he ceased making phone calls, he only did so sometimes, answered all of my messages.
The majority of the time that he called, I got nothing but quiet in return. Is the above-mentioned situation familiar to you? It's possible you may relate to being perplexed and startled by a partner's abrupt shift in conduct.
Suppose your partnership wasn't what you believed it to be? But what if there had been unresolved problems from the start? What if you decided to ignore or just failed to notice warning signals along the way? What are the chances of any of these things coming to pass? Probably.
This abrupt shift in the couple's dynamic is often mentioned by those who have just ended a romantic engagement with someone. Unfortunately, it leaves the individual who has been "dumped" with emotions of poor self-esteem, remorse, inadequacy, and rage.
Closeness is rare because the pair cannot (or will not) speak through the issues that arose in their relationship.
In other words, how can you be sure you won't have the same experience again? Take a look at your failed relationship for clues about what went wrong between you. This can help you move on.
The following is a simple outline of the phases of the relationship you and your partner must go through TOGETHER in order to reach a point of intimacy and commitment that you both share.
Before during, or after any one of these phases, either person's emotions may alter, and it isn't always "their fault." In other words, it's a declaration regarding whether or not the two people are suited for one another. Relationship preparedness and the capacity to manage long-term, committed closeness are other factors to consider.
Managing one's shifting emotions and subsequent conduct toward the other is a topic for another article. There are many phases in a relationship. As readers, we are all familiar with writers who have created their own unique numbers or names for these items. I'll attempt to make it as simple and general as possible by using a very basic approach.
This is only the beginning. On a very basic level, it's all three: physical, mental, and emotional. A girl and a guy are seen by each other.
To acquire a feel for the other person, start flirting and talking to them. Usually, they're reacting to some kind of physical pressure. Various adjectives may be used to describe him or her: adorable, humorous, endearing, fascinating to converse with, etc. On the other hand, first dates wouldn't happen if there was no chemistry between the two people. If we've made it to a first date, it's safe to believe the other person thinks us appealing.
This is a piece of cake. Nobody knows who we are. Either things go better or they become worse from here on out. There is very little emotional pain. Most of the time, we blame rejection on the fact that "I'm not his type." Do not try to figure out what went wrong by analyzing it.
After a few dates, if there is still a strong attraction between the two individuals, they will typically go on to the next step. However, if one partner considers the other to have undesirable traits or habits, the relationship may come to an abrupt end.
Remember, these are traits or habits that would show themselves early in a relationship. As an example, consider someone who is chronically late and never offers to pay.
Relationships that Inspire Romance
This is the stage when couples begin to experiment with the concept of their relationship as a whole... Relationships aren't something that is just getting started. It is cozier and more dependable this way. In this exciting new phase of a relationship, it's common for dates to include romantic meals and interesting hobbies.
A time when flowers are given just because and cards with messages like "thinking of you" are sent back and forth between lovers. At this joyful and carefree moment, couples prefer to romanticize and ignore what may be there in front of them. They idealize and romanticize.
It seems as though the connection is easy and unforced. Affection is often and freely shared. It seems as though one's spouse is ideal. During this time, there is very little disagreement. The unrealistic idea that the relationship is so unique and exceptional that it will always be this way is common among couples.
You may be at this stage for three or four months or even longer. Any long-term relationship passes through this period, though it's the shortest. One that we hope to be able to keep forever after it has passed us by.
This is the point to which love poetry refers. Many people also think (incorrectly) that long-term devoted love will always be like this.
At the conclusion of this time period, many relationships start to falter... Because that's when things start to become real. Relationship dynamics change when partners begin to disagree, disagree, or face similar difficulties. As a result, the relationship evolves as well.
Despite the fact that the majority of relationships survive this point, some do not. Why? There are a variety of factors at play. Some examples are as follows:
Issues with preparation for the next stage, commitment, and faithfulness, immature ideas about what relationships should be, and romanticized views of love are all contributing factors.
There are signs that one of the partners isn't ready for a more demanding stage of love, such as their conduct, vocabulary, and general openness and availability.
They start to really consider a future together at this point. A lot of attention is paid to things like compatibility, shared interests, and whether or not you want to date someone exclusively.
Negotiation Leads to Growth
This is a period of great growth and challenge for all of your relationships. As the couple becomes used to their newfound stability, reality begins to sink in. Even seemingly little disagreements may escalate into major crises.
There is rising competition among the people for power and a position in the union. Instead of being reduced, differences may be emphasized.
In many relationships, this is the time when the first fights occur. Anger or worry showed by someone you previously loved and accepted may lead to hurt emotions. Individuals often think that they must change, not the other person.
This is where communication, problem-solving, and negotiation abilities are required (or not). This is important, since if you don't have enough of it, disputes may devolve into insulting shouting battles.
In order to get past this stage and achieve real closeness, the people involved must listen to one other's emotions and provide support and compromise when necessary.
To say they have the same ideas and perspectives does not imply that they will agree with each other. It is a stretch. Respect, on the other hand, is essential for a happy partnership.
If you lack these relationship-building skills, your partnerships will not only fail, but they may also come to a sudden conclusion because one of you no longer feels the same way about your spouse when they are not in their idealized condition.
Depending on their personality type, people may find reality to be unpalatable or just unprepared for. It doesn't matter how they portray themselves; they'll either withdraw or change. To learn more about someone's maturity level, pay attention to how they deal with their shifting emotions.
Intimacy is what happens when a couple has successfully navigated the final hurdle in the negotiating process. It's as though something is coming together for the first time, with a deeper awareness of oneself (and others). In some cases, new knowledge may help strengthen the relationship, while in others, it can provide one person with enough new information about the other to make them reconsider their decision to stay together.
In their (naked) condition, each individual looks at the other and asks: "Am I going to be happy here?" Now that the first love haze has lifted, things are looking up. It all boils down to what they can give to one another and what they can bring to a future together.
This is a period in which many couples begin to look at their partner's qualities from a more objective standpoint. In order to better understand one another, they evaluate each other's assets and liabilities. When they are dating, they assess each other's suitability as a future husband, parent, provider, or caretaker.
Relations may be more put to the test now than they have in the past. Some people try to achieve this via unhealthy means, such as infidelity. When this happens, relationships terminate. When a couple's differences can be recognized, spoken, and accepted, they have a better opportunity of going forward together. This couple has chosen to be with each other, flaws and all.
A shift in one or both partners' conduct usually occurs as a result of a conscious or unconscious choice about the other's suitability or suitability for the kind of relationship they want.
Building a connection has come to an end at this point. It's only when people reach this point that they're really ready to commit to one another. Although their future together will be filled with development and hard work, they are eager to get started.
As you go through the stages, new obstacles will appear, and this will be no exception. However, if the couple has been successful in the previous phases, they should already have many of the tools they need for the next stage of their relationship.
Their resolve will be tested by life's challenges and demands.
A lot of couples begin to think about their partner's qualities in a more practical manner at this period. These two assess one another's positive and negative traits. When they are dating, they assess each other's suitability as a future husband, parent, provider, or caretaker.
During this period, it's possible that relationships may be put to the test. A problematic method used by some is infidelity. Sometimes, this results in a breakup. When the couple's differences can be recognized, spoken, and accepted, they have a better opportunity of going forward together from this point on. This couple has chosen to remain with each other, flaws and all, regardless of their past relationships.
In most cases, when one or both partners' conduct changes, it's because they've made a choice about how bad the other is for them or for the kind of relationship they want.
Building a connection has come to an end. At this point, people are ready to make a permanent commitment to one other. It will take time for them to develop together, but they are eager to get started.
As you go through the stages, new obstacles will appear, and this will be no exception. Even so, if the couple has made it this far, they should already be equipped with many of the resources they need.
It is inevitable that external issues and pressures will eventually put them to the test. Reassessment, renegotiation, and a renewal of commitment may be required. For the most part, they'll already have the necessary equipment at their disposal.
They'll have a better chance of success if they make smart choices early on. Remember where you were at the time of the breakup while looking back on your unsuccessful relationship and determining what went wrong. There's a good chance that one or both of you lacked the required preparation and maturity. Then then, maybe one of you thinks I'm looking for someone else.
After learning about yourself, you should have a clearer idea of what sort of connection you want from a prospective spouse.